looking up to the stars/tsukkyama

1.

his smile, his smile is the most perfect thing I've ever seen, his cute face, decorated with all those little dots, little star dots, he hate those little dots, but his freckles are stunning, i can see all the stars reflected on his face, on each freckle.

today is a normal monday, at least normal for me, tsukishima kei, a first year student, tadashi, my best friend for a lot of years, and my boyfriend for 8 months, havent showed up today, maybe he's tired of me, he should, all i do is treat him bad, and annoy him, he should be mad, i dont deserve him.

besides that, i love him, he was the fisrt person to show me real love and treat me good, even i am a dick with him.

its still early in the morning, im on my way to school, but alone, without tadashi, i miss him, he would be holding my hand,  i feel like he is with me, but i cant see him, or feel him.

suddendly i felt like crying, crying like i had never before, but im not going to, i dont deserve it.

school is over by now, no sings of tadashi yet, i hope he's okay, maybe he got sick? i dont know, but i want him by mu side, now.

i will go home, i dont feel like volleyball today, not without tadashi,
and i have a reason besides hes not there, the last time i went without him all the team was asking questions, are you ok? dont you want to take some rest? tsukishima, are u feeling good? and the worst of all, they were saying sorry. sorry tsukishima, im really sorry, sorry, sorry. i didnt wanted to hear them saying sorry, i couldnt take it, not today.

i just flooped in my bed, not even greeting or lookimg at my mom, or akiteru, my brother.

i closed my eyes, i have homework to do, but i dont care, i miss tadashi, where is him? should i go look for him? i dont know, thats the problem, i always act like i know, but i dont.

i slowy closed my eyes, not caring of anything around, a knot forming on the back of my throat, that only means one thing, crying. i didnt wanted to cry, not now, i dont need to.

i slowly fell asleep, i dont know if i dreamed this or what, but i felt tadashi, he was playing with my short gold locks of hair, he loves to do that, and i love when he does it, i love him i wish hes okay, im sorry for not going out and look for him, im just very tired.