looking up to the stars/tsukkyama

2.5

i throw a jacket on me, and i do my way to the door, opening it ant getting out of my house, its 10:13, a walk will help get things out out of my mind.

walking on the chilly weather is kinda calming, i saw a spot where u coukd rest for a while, a large field covered on grass, and some small flowers, i lay down, and look up to the sky, to all that little stars.

he, his face, his smile, his freckles, star freckles. i miss him, i need him.

all that stars remind me of him, it was like each one kept a secret or memory we treasured, shining brightly on the sky, he is my star, he woukd make my days brighter, my cold days warmer, my lonely nights loved.

tears running down my cheeks, i dont want to stop them, maybe i need to cry.

all these. memories coming back to me, why now? im tired of thinking just in him.

tsukki~ dont be mean!

tsukkiii look at meee, tsukki!

tsukki im sorry, i will not eat the strawberry of ur cake again, forgive me pleaseee!

how could i say no, how could i not forgive him, i love him, besides all he does i always will.

tears didnt stoped rolling down my cheeks, i should be on my way home, i stand up, taking a last look at the stars, our stars.

walking home, i can feel him, right beside me, holding my hand, his little sprout of hair slightly bouncing as we walked together, hes so cute.

why are you crying tsukki!?
are you ok?
did i do something?
i love you, everything will be okay!

no tadashi, things are not okay.

i saw his house, and take a look at him,

ill be going  tsukki! see you tomorrow, i love youuu!

and with that hes gone.

i continue walking home, alone.

my feet are tired, i havent walked for too long or too far.

suddendly the door of my house is right in front of me, i slowy open it, no lights, no movement on the kitchen, no voices.

i got up to my room dark and messy, and flop on my bed, i stare at the ceilling.

the time passed by, im just waiting. what am i waiting? i dont know.

and then, i feel it, i feel him.

a small arm croosing over my waist and pulling me closer to him, i missed this warm feeling so much, its so good, it feels so good, i feel him, but i dont know if hes here or not, but i dont care, i know its him, tadashi, my special boy.

time pass again i slowy stoped feeling tadashis warm feeling, and started feeling lonely again.

dont go..

dont go..

stay, please stay..

hug me..

kiss me..

but..

dont go.

nothing helped to make him come back, not my cries, not my sobs, not my painfulled whispers.

i started feeling sleepy, i think im just too tired to continue.

i past asleep but suddendly woke up.

what time is now?

i dont know.

i dont feel him

i stand up and do my way to the bathroom, i take a moment to look at myself, i look dead.

eyebags all under my eyes, messy hair, glasses on a wrong position, everything looks messed up.

everything is messep up.

i do my way to bead again, but this time not catching any sleep, just straing at my celing.

time passes and the next day is now here..