Shooting my Shot (Bucky One-shots)

The Peace Within

Notes: this is a very dark chapter, so please read at your own risk. If you feel uncomfy reading this chapter, scroll all the way to the bottom and read the sneak peeks of my newest fic instead. I'll post a happy part after this, so stay tuned for that.

Summary: after trying your best to reform yourself, you realize there's no hope or point in trying. When you go up to the roof to start your freedom, you're shocked to find Bucky already there.

Warnings: mentions of su1c1de (attempted) (again, it's a dark chapter, so please read at your own risk), language

Length: 1.1k (without the sneak peeks)

Eight months and twenty seven days. That's how long you'd been living in the Avengers tower. Approximately two months and seventeen days prior to that, SHIELD found you. It had been three-hundred and forty eight days since you started life over. 

Three-hundred and forty eight days since you tried fixing yourself. With SHIELD's help, of course. 

They seemed to try everything. 

It wasn't easy to turn a psychotic killer into a hero. In fact, you didn't think it was possible. 

Over time, you gave up trying. You shrugged off any help the others tried to offer you. It was pointless. There wouldn't be too much longer until you just vanished off the face of the Earth. 

Then they could go back to normal.

Your thoughts drifted as you sat at the counter with a plate in front of you. The plate of eggs hadn't been touched. 

"You okay? You haven't eaten anything." Nat's voice broke you from your thoughts. 

"I'm fine. Just not hungry." You got up and pushed your plate away, leaving it untouched.

"You've barely eaten anything at all in the last four days." 

"I'm not hungry." You went back to your room before she could question you again. After she was out of earshot, you sighed. "Just tired...."

Tired was the wrong word to use. Exhausted wasn't even good enough. You wanted to curl up and vanish entirely. Only then would things go back to normal.

You sat in your room for a few hours. A single thought bounced around in your mind like the word DVD bounced around on a TV when the movie sat on pause. 

There was a soft knock at the door. 

You ignored it. 

"Come out and eat something." Nat spoke from outside the door. "Please. It's been four days since you've had an actual meal."

An idea formed in your mind. "Fine." 

"Thank you. There's still a plate in the kitchen." 

"Fine. I'll be there in a minute." You grabbed a sweatshirt and the pistol you stashed under your clothes. You hid it in your belt and left your room like everything was normal. 

You grabbed the plate from the kitchen and went to walk upstairs to the roof.

"Where are you going?" Nat stopped you.

"To clear my head." You walked off quickly, just to make sure she didn't try to question you again.

When you got up to the roof, you were startled to find Bucky already sitting up there. He paid no attention to you, so you decided to ignore him and sit as far away from him as you could get.