Wish I Knew You Sooner

chapter thirteen

Oakland's POV

I woke up to the smell of my mother cooking breakfast.

I let out a soft sigh at the relief that washes over me from knowing that I made it through the night without having another nightmare. It's become a nightly thing for some reason, and I think that the stress from them occurring is causing it to happen more.

I rolled over to check the clock, groggy and still only half open, my eyes read 9am.

Still too damn early.

I sighed and laid back down, not ready to face the day yet. I've felt this feeling plenty of times to know that my mental health is quickly declining. Every second of the day is filled with the want to just go back to bed. Even thinking about having to act like I am able to handle the easiest of tasks sounds exhausting, and I know when I get up officially, I won't be able to simply fulfill my want until the night comes, and that will come slower than needed.

My mind flooded with random thoughts, good and bad from this vacation.

Only 6 more days until I relax from what was supposed to be a break.

I finally sat up, after having the mental battle in my head over whether I should get up or not, and I reached for my phone that has been plugged in for the past three days. I have spent all of this time either by myself or with my family, so it has been pretty peaceful to not have any distractions. With my back pressed against the headboard, I pulled my phone from the charger, and clicked it on to see the flood of notifications. Plenty of the regular texts and whatnot from my friends back home, and my heart aches to be back with them. I scroll down to view the other things on the screen and I see numerous texts and calls.

Harry: 12 texts and 5 missed calls

I furrow my brows, confused as to why there are so many. I would understand one or two, maybe even three, but 12 texts?

I put my phone down, not bothering to read them yet. As I said, the simplest tasks always seem the hardest when all you want is to disappear. I feel a bit of remorse from ignoring him, but I remind myself that I won't even see him after this, so what is the point?

I quickly lean forward and throw my face into my hands, sighing at that exact thought. I'm beginning to feel useless, no need for anything in my life anymore. The fact that I find no point in even responding to Harry's clear worry through texts and calls shows that I am starting to isolate myself from everything as a coping mechanism. I know it isn't healthy but I don't know any other way than to react to my pain.

I know that I am overreacting to my nightmare from a few days ago, but the fact that it hasn't left me alone makes me feel uncomfortable. I can forget the fact that Harry is the man that haunts my dreams, but after seeing the notifications roll in on my phone, I slightly feel smothered, even though I shouldn't. I just need a breather before talking to him.

Oakland, he is probably just worried about you. You acted all weird and then basically ghosted him. Get over it and respond damn it.

I brush my hair back with my palms, hoping that they will push the thought out of my head while running my fingers through my blonde hair. I know I need to respond to him, it's been three days already, but I skip over the thought and go into the bathroom. I put on some music, choosing a somber playlist today, as I turn on the water for a shower. It's Not The Same Anymore by Rex Orange County playing as background music to my morning routine really paints a picture for how I am feeling.

I should be happy, of course,

But things just got much harder,

Now it's just hard to ignore,