We'll Be Alright - (h.s)

Kiwi

I think I'm losing it

Oh I think she said "I'm having your baby, it's none of your business"

She stood in line, tapping her foot relentlessly, damn near collapse she was so exhausted. Though she had managed to sleep enough, it was the unshakeable worry and fear that shook her into a state of fatigue. She clutched the box in her hands, praying to God no one noticed her, though that didn't seem realistic given she stayed far from public eye, she had an overwhelming sense of paranoia that this would be the off chance it would happen. The woman at the cash register raised her eyebrows as she glanced at her left hand, noticing no ring. She rolled her eyes and folded her arms over, grabbing her shopping and walking quickly from the drug store, bending her head down in embarrassment. She knew she had no reason for it, she just feel more inclined to self-consciousness at the current time and situation.

Harry was in Phoenix, Arizona, playing shows all over the country word and touring with "as little distraction as possible" as recommended by a man of authority who hid his subtle anger behind a mask of sarcasm and overall seeming niceness. A mere five weeks into the tour and she was already lonely without him, fuelled by the need for her presence at the studio in New York at any given time and Indian takeaways which littered her apartment's kitchen counter. Though she missed him desperately, she had an out of character need to be distant from him at the current time and given the current circumstance.

As she climbed the stairs to her apartment, she took them two at a time, rushing however hesitant to a place behind locked doors where she could revel in her internalised anger and stupidity without the rest of the population of New York City watching over her – or so it felt.

She thought if she were pregnant, she would feel sick and tender like most girls do in movies. But she had never been so tired in her life and she had never had a blood nose before – until yesterday morning; an odd symptom her friend had had during the early stages of her own pregnancy. She was flawed by the coincidence and had rushed to the nearest corner store as fast as she could.

She pulled the pregnancy test from its box, unwrapping it and placing it on the counter until she felt ready to use it. The excruciating two minutes it took for her timer to go off gave her time to stew on the two options available, deliberating over the two until the words sounded funny to her.

In the momentary relief at the clear negative result, she felt a pang of guilt for neglecting Harry in this situation. She wrestled with the fact that she knew he would have liked to be a part of this situation, or at least known it was happening. However, she decided selfishly to continue her neglect as since there was nothing to tell, nothing needed to be said.