At 17, Candyce's small worldview is maginifed when her big brother, Ace, invites her into his world as punishment. Ace may have been an overbearing big brother at home, but in the streets he was feared and respected as a young drug dealer, proving h...
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Chapter 51
I'm fresh off the plane from New York. Them airplane seats ain't no joke. They uncomfortable even in first class.
I rub the kinks out my neck as I sit my duffle bag down on my living room floor.
I would say it feels good to be home, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. If anything, it feel like a dark cloud followed me home from New York.
To say Reese's family took it hard would be an understatement. I swear people could hear them crying from the bodega down the street. I ain't never felt so guilty in my whole life. It felt like I killed Reese myself.
I mean, it's not far from the truth. The way I see it, Reese wouldn't even be dead if it wasn't for me.
Ralo may have pulled the trigger, and Simon set it up, but I was the one who brought him to New Orleans. I'm the one who kept him here. It was my fault their brother was never coming home.
If I could turn back the hands of time I would. All I could do instead was let his family know that as long as I'm alive they won't need or want for nothing--as if money can fill that void.
I tried to make myself feel better by handling all the funeral arrangements. I even paid to have his body sent over. It was only right. Reese was a New York nigga at heart. I couldn't imagine him resting in peace anywhere else.
I blew a bag on his funeral but it was worth it to send him Home the right way. All his family had to do was show up which was hard enough. I didn't want them worrying about anything else.
In a lot of ways Reese's funeral actually reminded me of Santana's. Just like Ace, Reese's family felt like an extension of my own. I didn't know them as long as I knew Ace's family, but they welcomed me with open arms just like his.
From my experience, it only takes one real death in the family to remind me that I ain't really apart of it. I couldn't have felt more like an outsider standing next to Reese's family as they lowered his body into the ground. Up until that point I felt like I lost a brother. I'ma always think of Reese that way, but I think a piece of his sisters got buried with him that day. I don't think it's fair of me to say the same.
I didn't feel the need to stick around after the funeral. All there was left to do was grieve and they ain't need me for that. Besides, my misery don't like company.
I gave his sisters some money to hold them over and told 'em to call me if they need anything else. Then I flew home after being in New York for two weeks.
Reese's funeral kinda got me thinkin' though. If I died today or tomorrow, who would be there for me? I feel like I lost the only real potnas I ever had and along with them the only real families I ever knew. It's not like Ace or Reese gon' be up there giving my eulogy so who does that leave?
Candyce? She can't even figure out what the fuck she want from me so I don't know what she'd get up there and say. Keyana? I feel like she never really knew me. She fell in love with my potential. She only knew who she thought I could be.
