Duality |Postlude| Jikook/Kookmin

Chapter 10

Jimin

I stare at the figures on my laptop screen and peer at the dildo in my hand. This is my first time ever owning one and to say it's daunting is an understatement.

Having to ask Jungkook to not top in the heat of the moment was embarrassing. I thought I was ready, but every time I think about it, I feel like I'm being waterboarded with anxiety. That's why I've been sitting here for an hour now, trying to practice for Jungkook. But it's impossible. I feel like I just can't fit anything up there. Maybe I'll rip.

Exhaling, I open a new tab and start to research what may be the issue and find tools that sound scary, but seem to be able to help me with my... predicament. Quickly, I order some dilators and close the tab, trying to use the dildo again, but my hand shakes every time I get close.

It's not that I've dealt with sexual abuse or anything like that before, so I don't know why I'm unable to get vulnerable with Jungkook. From everything I've read, I really want to try it, to show Jungkook that I trust him, but I'm just... scared.

Jungkook has been so understanding and loving, but I want to be ready. He was able to do it, so I want to level the playing field. I don't want to feel like Jungkook is giving more than he's taking. Relationships should be balanced.

I have to admit, Jungkook being the first and hopefully only person to be with me this way is quite attractive. Virginity is just something made up, but I do like experiencing my firsts with Jungkook. However, I'm glad that I was able to get myself all the way figured out and feel comfortable in my own skin before returning to Korea. Things aren't as hesitant as they were when we were younger. I feel comfortable with Jungkook. He wants me and I want him. There's no silent turmoil in my head anymore. Everything is out on the table and it's freeing.

The door to my room opens and I scream, slam the laptop shut, pull my shorts up, and shove the dildo under my pillow in a split second. I'm panting, perspiration forming as Jungkook eyes me with a puzzling expression.

"Babe, are you okay?"

Blushing, I nod. "Yeah! I was watching one of your scary let's plays and I got spooked."

Jungkook's mouth drops. "Why watch internet Koo when the real JK is right here?" His eyes grow mischievous and he stalks to the bed, placing my laptop on the bedside table. He kisses my neck and I shiver. "I hope you weren't doing anything naughty to my videos. I'm right here, Jimin."

His hand is inching closer and closer to the pillow, so I kiss him and knock the toy off the bed.

"What was that?" Jungkook pauses and looks around.

My hands tangle themselves in his hair and I kiss him again. "Nothing, babe. The real question is why you came in here without knocking. Did you miss me that much, Koo-Koo?"

"Always." He falls on top of me. "Oh, Jimmeo."

I laugh. "But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Kookliet is the sun."

Jungkook blushes and smiles at me, his nose scrunching up cutely. Laughing, I kiss his nose and ruffle his hair.

"How are you, beautiful?"

"I'm good, just lovin' you." He makes a face at me and picks me up in one swift movement. "But I did come get you for a reason."

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I situate myself in the bridal hold. "Oh, and for what reason was that?"

He kisses my forehead. "You'll see."

I swing my feet from my seat on the counter as Jungkook hums happily. He dances around the kitchen, cleaning up everything. Jungkook situates himself between my legs and rests his hands on my thighs with an ear-to-ear grin on his face.