This Is Us

Chapter 16

Harry's POV:

I opened my eyes, slowly regaining consciousness. I tried to move but realized that it was all in vain. I felt terrible and there was a huge pain in my face. If I looked as bad as I felt I would be looking ugly. Each time I tried to move, a new jolt of pain shot up in my limbs, I felt that someone was poking me everywhere except that it was worse.  y head, my hands, my legs, my back every freaking place hurt like hell. I literally felt like a heavy bag of stones, too heavy to move and useless. I turned my head and saw that I was in a plain white room, with nobody by my side. I then remember the incident. Me and Niall were fooling around and then a car hit us. Niall, where was he? I wondered how he was. The surroundings of the hospital brought back unpleasant memories from my past. My body ached for contact, I wanted to talk to someone. I wanted the presence of someone telling me I was fine. And that someone was Alyssa. I remember that before I fell unconscious she placed my head in her lap and she was staring into my eyes. She stared at them as though they were the most beautiful things she had ever seen. Where was she?

As I thought about her a smile crept onto my face. While my body pained and my head throbbed with exhaustion my mind was thinking about her, about her smile, about her eyes, her hair. She wasn't like the usual girls who pretended to be good but were bad, she was actually sweet to everyone. She was unique, she was the most precious person I had ever met. I lifted my head and strained my neck to try to make out things beyond the four walls of this room. I saw a chair, and a body. I saw brown hair and thought of Alyssa but then saw they weren't as dark as her’s. This set of hair belonged to Louis. His head was hung low and I got the impression that he was asleep. I glance up at the clock and realize its quarter to three in the morning. I loved digital clocks for a reason, they were always so accurate. I closed my eyes in hopes of getting some sleep but my dreams were consumed with her and so were my thoughts which appeared when I woke with a smile on my face before I drifted off to sleep again.

When I wake up after hours of dreaming, I feel disappointed. Its late morning and yet Alyssa isn't here. A frown etches itself on my face. But then I again think of Niall. Maybe she was with him, but why didn't she come to me me? Was I not important? Maybe I wasn't. Why were my thoughts consumed and filed with her? What was happening to me? But again images of her popped up in my head. I could hear her giggle in the back of my mind, the night of the first party played itself in my mind. The night we had a fight, the night she cut herself. These memories replayed like real moments and I almost had the feelings he was going to be right beside me when I open my eyes but I know she won't. I smiled as a picture of her pushing the hair out of her face popped up, the picture of the way she danced and sang. She was the only thing that was breaking my heart into a million pieces but she was also the one who held my fragile heart together with her smile and she as a whole held my heart and soul together.

I knew that I was definitely falling for her, after all who wouldn't? Her laughter would fill the room, and even in a room filled with smoke her laughter would slice through like a broom. But what I was feeling for her was it really love or was it plain lust? Was it really my heart or my hormones playing around? I stared at the ceiling trying to collect all my thoughts. I tried to fall asleep as Alyssa’s face always came up in my mind. But yes, I couldn't sleep because all deep and philosophical thoughts about love kept popping into my head. Ugh.

Was I really losing the thing I treasured the most because of her, i mean sleep. Was I actually trying to rethink what all had happened between us? Was this all true or was it just a phase that would soon pass? Was it soon going to be past? Why was life so complicated? Why did my feelings, as Alyssa put it, ‘have to be a labyrinth’? The doctor comes in, does some check up, hands a medicine. Soon I feel my eyelids getting heavy and drooping down. Finally some sleep. I wake up and have to close my eyes due to the amount of light in room. I squint and see a figure standing next to my bed. Finally my eyes adjust to the light and I see Louis standing there. “Good Morning Louis.” He taunts me and says, “Ahh, the sleeping beauty awakens. Good Morning Mr.Styles. I see you are breathing and alive.” I snort but I see that there was a serious undertone to his voice. “Louis shut up, where is Niall?” He sighs, “Niall. Niall, he’s fine, he’s responding well. He just has a broken arm and a few stitches on his knee. Nothing major. Unlike you, I must add.” “Louis how bad do I look?” “Haz, if you are trying to make me feel jealous go ahead because even with a  scar down your cheek you look hot.” I laugh, “Awww Louis.” He shakes his head.

“How’s Alyssa though?” He looks towards the floor and doesn't meet my eyes, “She’s fines. Just at home.” He stutters a few times and I grasp the fact that he is lying. I somehow move my hand and hit him in the arm, he looks at me, “Louis tell me the truth.” He looks at me with worry on his face, “Harry she’s admitted in the hospital.” Panic builds inside me like a huge wall. I feel myself getting breathless, Louis rubs my back as I was sitting on the reclining bed. I breathe deeply and finally relax. I nearly had a panic attack, the things this girl does to me. “Louis what happened?” He shakes his head, “Sorry Haz, I cant tell you. SHe made me promise.” Anger builds inside the pit of my stomach, “For gods sake Louis tell me.” “She...she cut herself.” The news didn't hit me hard,  this is what she did when she was hurt or blamed herself. What did she think of herself? Did she think she could go and cut and no one would care? “Louis, how do you know?” “Harry, she called me to save her. For the first time she didn't want to die.” First time? Oh ya, she had known Louis the first time she cut. I need to see her.

Suddenly the scar above my cheek hurt, my head started throbbing again. But I needed to see her. I need to tell her it was going to be alright. I needed to assure myself more than anything that it was alright. My head was pounding, I could hear it in my ears. My eyes felt heavy and the room spun around me. I woke after god knows how much time. I saw a doctor beside me. “Mr. Styles you are discharged just eat the medicines that I have given along with the prescription.” I nod and he leaves the room. I change into my regular clothes and move towards the reception. “Alyssa Black?” “Third room on the right, she’s admitted along with Mr.Horan.” I nod and walk towards the room. I peek inside. Niall is sitting and talking to Alyssa the colour from her cheeks drained, her eyes a dull brown. I open the door. “Hey mate.” “Hey Harry.”  Alyssa opened her eyes and looks at me. A smile spreads across her face. NIall helps her get up. I sit on the chair on the other side. The room smells of something other than hospital, a male cologne perhaps. But neither me or Niall are wearing it. I shake the thought and take Alyssa’s hand in mine. “Why did you do this?” 

“I had no one but that bottle of wine and my box of blades. But I swear I threw them in the bin.” I laugh at her innocence. She entwines our hands and I see Niall talking to a doctor. He winks at Alyssa and goes to change. “Alyssa don't ever do this to me.” She nods and kisses my cheek and I kiss her forehead. I leave her hand when I hear someone yawn. I turn around and see James. He looks at Alyssa and smiles, “Hey Harry, how are you now?” “I am fine.” “I’ll just be back.” He exits the room. I feel a head on my shoulder and hear her mumbling something. I shake her and she says, open the bedside notebook please?” I pull it out and read the latest entry.

"Bottle of Wine.

Sweet laughter filled the room,

Crossing the boundless smoke like a broom.
Her teeth shined as she laughed,
But her eyes didn’t crinkle,
Was she she really happy?

She laughed everyday,
She died everyday.
Even laughter pays a price,
Maybe the cost of her life.

With an empty heart and glazed eyes,
She was sipping life from that bottle of wine.
Drinking the world away,
Maybe she could be happy this way.

The people faded,
The music went mute.
There was nothing by her side,
Just she and her bottle of wine."

Her poetry always left me speechless. It touched the deep bottom of my heart. Her poetry made me realize that she needed me. It made me realize that now she cared for me and Niall alike. I knew we could make us work. We had to. “Alyssa, that is such a beautiful poem. Now listen to me, promise me you will not spend so much time treading the water and trying to keep your head above the surface that you forget how much you loved to swim.” She looks pensive when I tell her this, “Harry being all deep and all?” I laugh and tell her, “However, take this seriously. I dont want you to be so high up protecting yourself that you forget what it is like to enjoy and live life. Promise me this.”

“Promise.” And maybe this was going to our promise.  We walked out and sat in the grass. We had come to a calm place. And I found serenity here with my favourite person in the world. I had fallen for her and I knew that.

(2.8k for next update. Love all of you. xx)