Supernatural Imagines & Preferences

Dean Imagine

Self Loathing (You)~

You stare at yourself in the mirror. You convince yourself you look dead- your eyes have never been so dull, and your face so sullen and pale; your hair isn't the right length or the right color and it's frizzing at the ends- you want to chop it all off. You look like a filthy mess.

You wouldn't mind if it was like this for a day. But you've been like this for at least a month. And before that you've tried purposefully getting yourself hurt during hunts. Everything was too much.

Maybe you were exaggerating. Maybe you're being a drama queen. Hell, you loved the boys to death and would do anything for them. It's just so difficult to carry on like this. If it wasn't going to get better...

A loud knock shook you from your thought and without another signal, Dean poked his head in. You jumped away from your full length mirror and turned to face him. His eyebrows shot up.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." Your voice breaks. He frowns, knowing you better than that. Silently he shuts the door behind him and makes his way to you.

You're already sighing as he comes to stand in front of you. "Dean, I said I was-"

"I know what you said," He interrupts. Having him near you reminds you of every reason why you want to live. But the depression holds you back and you recede again into yourself. "(Y/N), what's wrong?"

Your breathing comes out shakily and you sit on the edge of your mattress, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Are you hurting yourself again?" Dean's tone is serious and demanding. He put out this exterior of being determined and face-less when in reality if you just looked at those eyes you'd see his concern.

"No."

"Good, cuz there's no reason to do that to yourself." You shrug half heartedly and feel the bed dip as he sits beside you. You see his hand drift over your knee, deciding if it's the right move to comfort you. Eventually he sets his hand down, warm thrills starting from his touch.

"Dean I feel like shit all the time. It sucks." You blurt. Your mind is screaming for you to stop but you can't. You describe yourself to him the way you would to yourself when you look in the mirror. You can't watch his face in fear of your words being true.

When you're done, you let out another shaking breath and pray to God you don't cry. Dean doesn't say anything for a long moment and you figure it's probably because everything you've just said was true. Your insides are churning and his touch feels hotter than ever.

"(Y/N) what the hell?" He says above a whisper. You bite your lip and dare a glance up at him. He's already staring at you, shock and concern written clearly over his features. You look away again.

"I can't help myself Dean."

He chuckles. Actually laughs in your face. Another wave of self pity hits you face first and you intake a sharp breath.

"Did I say something?" Your voice is a mere whimper and he stops abruptly.

"Look at me," He coos softly and you do. His eyes are round and glistening, obvious shock still hidden behind the curiousness and his lips flattened in a pink line. "Do you even know how beautiful you are?"

Your lips part in slight surprise and you go to say something but he holds out a hand to stop you.

"Even now, when you say you look like crap, it's not true. You may see yourself as dull and imperfect but (Y/N)," He pauses and his hand comes to hold my cheek. His hands were warm and comforting and the way he looked at me made me believe there was nothing else but us.

"I wouldn't want to hunt with anybody but you. And when you walk out of your room with those muscles tanks, when you accidentally pull my jacket on when you're cold, how you smile, your laugh, even now when you're broken and trying your hardest not to cry," He's smiling now, chuckling again, adding a little head shake.

"(Y/N) I just don't understand how you can't see how vital you are to me. You're very presence lights up everything in this fucked up world."

Deans eyes are sincere and his smile is small and slow. "Please don't think this way about yourself."

You nod, still surprised to hear this from him. But you agree and he pulls you against him in a tight embrace.