All Random Encounters Musical Lyrics

GRANNY CHAPTER 3 THE MUSICAL: THE CHILD

[PHONE, AJ's VOICE]
HeyJ, you've reached AJ. If you're hearing this message, I must be a little tied up at the moment. But I'll call you back as soon as I'm available. Have a great day!

[AJ]
Granny, Granny, did you know?
You smell like a buffalo.
Someone, please, I gotta go!
Let me go!

[GRANDPA]
Shut up!

[AJ]
Alright, I'll just hold it, I guess.

[GWEN]
Who's child is this born of some abyss
With such ghastly, festering skin?
Its hollow eyes and its piercing cries
Seem to summon some of its kin...
Where could they have put my spouse?
Is he dead or locked in a cell?
I'll scour the whole dang house
While evading the fogies from Hell!

[AJ]
Over here! Careful, Grandpa's in a terrible mood.

[GWEN]
Yeah, well so am I! Know where any of the keys are?

[AJ]
There's one right there

[GRANDPA]
I see you!

[GWEN]
The clock is ticking and I'm still missing
The keys for four of the locks...
But I've been spotted
And Grandpa's rotted old arms are strong as an ox!
Quit shrieking, you crawling creep!
Go away! I don't want you near!
Why won't you go to sleep?

[GRANNY]
I hear you, my dear!

[AJ]
Find any keys?

[GWEN]
A couple!

[AJ]
Great! Get my arms!

[GWEN]
I... I shouldn't...

[AJ]
I'm sorry, what?

[GWEN]
If they notice you escaping, they'll just lock you down more. I'm sorry, I'll be back!

[AJ]
Worst Christmas ever...

[GWEN]
The fire's roaring and Grandpa's snoring;
He's sleeping deep as the dead...
But now the child is screaming wildly-
Still, I'm one step ahead!

[GRANNY]
Hush, child, your Granny's here!

[GWEN]
This is just the chance that I need!
Let's put this escape in gear
And get my man finally freed!

[AJ]
Finally! C'mon, let's get out of here!

[GWEN]
Hey, hey, running won't work. They found us once, they'll do it again!

[AJ]
We can... stun them?

[GWEN]
Tried it.

[AJ]
Shoot them?

[GWEN]
Tried it.

[AJ]
Throw a... chainsaw at them?

[GWEN]
Actually, I have an idea for something a little stronger!
I've got a plan, all we need's a can
Of explosive gas and some guns!

[AJ]
With one good shot, we can blow the snot
Out of all three wretches at once!

[GWEN]
You wrangle the baby
While I find some fuel to ignite!

[AJ]
One gambit and maybe

[AJ & GWEN]
We can end this nightmare tonight!

[GWEN]
Let's skip all the chit-chat;
All we've got's a single demand!

[AJ]
We'll trade you this mole rat
For that gun in your hand...

[AJ & GWEN]
That's how it came undone-
-all over Granny's gun.
Down fell the elder one
And fate came to our aid!
Gas sprinkled across the floor...
Pure fury with every pour...
Sweet fire, the flames of war!
But then a knock at the door...

[GWEN]
So, what do you wanna do for New Year's?

[AJ]
Y'know, I got this cannibal hillbilly step-cousin we could visit...