today ╱ jeongchan

013.

Forewarning: this is a mess and I haven't proofread this so sorry for any mistakes sksksk

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"Come on, I'm already on my deathbed and yet you're still scolding me?" Chan huffed in feign annoyance, arms crossing over his chest as he stared blankly at the female before him. The statement was meant to be lighthearted. It was Chan's futile attempt to comfort the person who has been with him through this whole fiasco. But the mentioned found no relief in any of it.

"Your health deteriorated over the past few days. If only you had listened to me before, the survival rate wouldn't be this low," Sana muttered rather harshly, but Chan saw the way her eyes wavered the moment the words rolled off her tongue. If anything, Sana found Chan's word agonizing. It's like watching her own brother slowly withering and slipping away from her fingertips, and she can't do anything to at least alleviate the pain he was in.

"I wasn't exactly planning to get the surgery done, you know," Chan muttered under his breath, lips curling into a smile that didn't reach his eyes before emitting an empty chuckle. "I do not have the reason to do it, just like before."

"Then why change your mind? You could have done it before so why now?"

Why?

Chan couldn't count the times he had asked the same question to himself. Why? It was a simple matter that he couldn't seem to answer no matter how much he tried. If you'd ask him the same query months ago, the response would have been the same: because he simply does not want to live. Chan was all set to leave this world knowing that in the end, every single one is destined to die. It was every person's fate that no one can change. His condition only solidified his desire to depart from this world earlier than usual, and he doesn't want things to drag on because he was tired. Too tired. He already achieved his dream, carried out the things he wanted to do. He already sealed his name and left a legacy in this world. For him, those were more than enough.

But then there's Jeongin.

Jeongin was a factor in his life that came unexpectedly. He came out of the blue and Chan was struck dumb; he was shaken up from his little bubble of comfort. Jeongin was like the puzzle piece that Chan didn't know he desperately needed to change his views about life. He learned how to live, to cherish every second of his waking hours, to be grateful for the little things. Jeongin was like the sun that suddenly radiated its light and warmth into the elder's life after spending years in the dark.

And before Chan knew it, he was already falling. He didn't mean to, of course. He was already well aware of the bitter truth about his impending doom. He tried, hard. Apparently, his efforts to hold back wasn't enough. It was a free fall. At first, it was the sheer jocularity Jeongin exuded that attracted him; he simply enjoyed the company of the younger. The younger was unpredictable and it made Chan excited. But after a while, he began seeking the solace that only Jeongin could provide. True, it was challenging to be with the mentioned but he presented Chan something that has been lacking in the elder's life: genuine happiness.

With Jeongin, he was able to approach life one day at a time; he began looking forward to what it has to offer. And for the first time in the years of existing in this world, he had hope for better tomorrows.

Above all, he found a reason to continue living.

So, why change his mind now? Because it was his only hope to live longer. And living was his only way to remind Jeongin how much he loves him, every single day of his waking life.

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"Why?"

Chan, who was currently busy scrolling through his phone, hurriedly looked up from the device; ears ringing in the most agonizing way at the sound of the voice he thought he would never get to hear again. His eyes widened at the sight of the person he least expected to see, especially when he's just hours away from what could be the last night of his life.