today ╱ jeongchan

001.

Jeongin's fingers glided over the rough surface of the unfamiliar notebook previously situated on his bedside table, a gesture that the male found so familiar but not quite. His glossy and red eyes flew across the lines, as he tries to absorb and make sense of every bit of information presented to him. It was written by someone he thought he knew all too well. But now, he is second-guessing that.

Well, this has been happening for quite a while now, huh? He thought.

The last thing he would want to spend his morning is to drown himself with self-pity, but life is cruel and that you cannot always have what you want, Jeongin figured.

Mornings, for Jeongin, should be the smell of the freshly baked bread wafting from the bakery across the street, the cup of brewed coffee paired with his go-to toast; a morning set right and filled with hope and not the rough surface of sheets of paper, messy scribbles, hot tears streaming down his face and downright confusion.

For some, worrying about mornings sound like something trivial; something that a normal person would pay no heed as they immerse themselves from the morning rush: be it to school, to work, or to any agenda they have for the day. Enjoying mornings is something that people usually takes for granted. It is a luxury for some, and there are people who choose to sleep it off.

But to Jeongin, he is more than ready to trade the world just to have a normal morning.

He used to believe that life is actually fair and how we live every second of it is solely based on the choices we made for ourselves. Priding himself as free-spirited, Jeongin thought that he could do things the way he wants to and face everything head-on.

It's funny how everything could change overnight.

Jeongin wants to change things. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, miracles are true and he will get to experience one. Like a magic; a kind that would help in reversing his condition.

But there are things in life that we cannot do anything but accept.

Maybe the universe will soon align for him, he just has to wait.

But how long?

Jeongin shakes his head, an attempt to shake the hopeful thoughts off. Indeed, hope is a factor that would help him get-by, but also the same facet that could break even the strongest wall he built around himself. His shaky hands hurriedly reaching for his phone and dialling the only person he knew he could fully trust.

Kim Seungmin.

He can't remember his life without Seungmin. If there is someone Jeongin would consider as his constant, it would be the mentioned. Growing up, Seungmin has been a huge part of his life ㅡ having to spend their life from diapers to school days up until they graduated. Seungmin was there. And even then, working at the same place made things easier for Jeongin, whose ability not trust people is over the roof. Especially with his condition.

Seungmin, for Jeongin, is some sort of safety net. Not in a sense that the elder has to be the younger's emotional punching bag; but Seungmin is the closest to refuge from the brutality of the outside world.

"Hey, Jeongin," Seungmin greeted from the other line, knowing all too well what the fuss is all about. But he didn't mind. After all, he swore to himself to protect Jeongin from anything, even the mosquito bite.

"Hyung... is this true?" Jeongin, even knowing the answer to his question, asked. He finds comfort at the thought of having someone tell him that everything is indeed true; that he was not dreaming. Knowing it yourself is one thing, but having someone you trust with your whole life confirm it is another. That way, he can fully accept it.

Seungmin emitted a long, deep breath, "Yeah, bubby. It has been ten months now."

"Oh..." Jeongin breathed out a shaky sigh, biting the inside of his cheeks to drown the sobs threatening to fall from his lips.

"We still work at the same café with Felix. Come around before eight and we can talk about it, 'kay? You still have ample time to prepare. Breakfast is on me. I promised you a slice of cake and your favourite Iced Americano yesterday." Seungmin answered softly in an attempt to comfort the younger. But it doesn't seem to work for Jeongin.

"Okay, Hyung. Thank you and I'll see you in a bit."

"See you, Innie."

Jeongin was met with complete silence once he heard the last beep indicating that the call has come to an end. He lets himself sink back into the comfort of his bed, folding his legs close to his chest and hugging them with his lanky arms as if it would provide the comfort he currently needs. It does help, but not fully easing the pain. With his phone now tossed aside, he let the sobs he has been trying to hold back spill from his chapped lips, continuously.

He has so many questions but none of them seems to matter at the moment, except for one: why me? And no matter how hard he tries to rack his brain for any possible answer, he can't seem to find any.

It must be after a good sixty minutes when Jeongin found himself walking towards the familiar café, situated three blocks away from his apartment. It took him a while to calm down before picking himself up and getting ready for the day. Thankfully, his eyes are not that puffy from all the crying he did but he still put on his thin and round glasses while sporting his white shirt under his pastel blue cardigan, paired with his washed-out jeans and white sneakers.

It took him less than ten minutes to reach his destination. Levanter Café. And once he entered, he was greeted with the booming laughter of his other friend, Lee Felix; along with Seungmin who is busy wiping the counter.

ㅡ

"Ah, Lemon Raspberry Cheesecake will remain superior!" Jeongin hummed in delight, a slice of the half-eaten cake beautifully set atop the cream-coloured ceramic plate. The commotion from the morning long-forgotten as he found himself surrounded with familiarity in the form of his two friends. "Even better if paired with my favourite drink, Iced Americano!"

"I beg to differ! Oreo Cheesecake is!" Felix, who is sat across the younger male, argued; a cup of iced chocolate in hand. They are currently seated at one of the benches near the counter, enjoying every second of their morning before the café opens, devouring the cake Seungmin promised.

"Yah! Nothing beats the classic, you know?" Seungmin chimed in, busying himself with doing the last minute checking before the clock strikes 8 o'clock, signalling the start of their day. "And fifteen minutes before we open! You better finish your breakfast quick!" Seungmin added sternly to which the other two male answered with a brief nod.

Jeongin found himself smiling. He is happy. Hell, happy is an understatement. This is one of the moments where he truly felt normal. For others, wanting to be normal would sound ridiculous as people these days want nothing more than to be unique, to be someone who would not be easily forgotten.

But for Jeongin, he wants nothing but to remember. Remember every second of his minutes, every minute of his hours, every hour of his days and every day of his weeks, so on. To grasp, to hold, to seize every bit of normalcy he could get.

Because to be normal is to be human.

And to be human is to belong.

Something that Jeongin desperately yearns for.