The best thing in my life(bokuaka)

Finale

(800-273-8255)

(POV Akaashi)

It hasn't even been a minute since I woke up and the feeling took over me. The feeling of dread? Anxiety? Regret? Maybe a combination of all three. I keep replaying the scene in my head. How dumb could I have been to storm out like that? Even as I thought over every word, every breath, I come to the realization that there is no point. There is no point in thinking about what already happened. There's no taking it back. But even with this knowledge, I laid there, thinking, obsessing. I picked at my skin, bit my lip, shifted in my sheets. I felt wrong without Bokuto. I've been through break ups, but this wasn't the same, this felt like a sick feeling in my stomach.I ignored it. I just loved him a lot, I told myself. The rest of that night was a long drawn out nap. When the next day came and I opened my tired eyes, all I could see was gray. Gray dresser, gray walls, gray life.

Everything was gray without Bokuto.

My usual routine for school seemed to last longer than any time before. My parents' glares seemed to seep deeper into my soul. I barely swallowed my food before leaving the house. I huge sigh of relief was brought over me when the cold, fresh air hit my face. I started walking towards the school. I thought about all the walks I took with Bokuto here, all the smiles, all the laughs, all the hugs, all the hand holding. I blushed at the thought, recollecting the feelings of love that Bokuto made me radiate. I made it to school feeling more at ease.

The day went by slowly, every class felt like more of a chore than usually. When practice came, I barely had the energy to walk into the gym. All this time I had skipped many practices because of Bokuto, and even though everyone understood and allowed me to do so, it felt wrong to come back like nothing happened.  As I walked into the gym, I heard the squeaking of gym shoes on the floor, the smell of sweat, the warm feeling of the heaters. I smiled for the first time that day at the nostalgic feel of this setting. Everyone crowded around me to say their greeting, but it felt wrong without Bokuto there. Everything still felt gray. Everything still felt wrong. The practice went by just like any other one I've had without Bokuto. Less loud, less fun. Everybody tried to get information about Bokuto out of me, but I resisted the urge to tell them the whole story, deciding it wasn't the best idea. Setting to anyone but Bokuto felt like the betrayal of our friendship, although I guess that isn't an issue anymore, now that we aren't. No matter how real that fact was, I still found it hard to swallow. I chose to be ignorant. I chose to pretend. My stamina grew weaker every practice I missed, where now I'm one of the slowest on the team. The ball felt heavier, my tosses foreign. To put it simply,

I forgot how to play volleyball.

When the practice was over, I sighed and started to clean up the balls and net. Yamato walked up to me slowly like I was a wild animal.
"Something wrong?" I asked, annoyed. He stopped back.
"Can you please tell me what happens with Bokuto?" He whispered. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
Yamato grunted, "why?"
"Well that would mean I'd have to tell you about it wouldn't it?" Now it was Yamato who was rolling his eyes.
"I know Bokuto, he's my friend, I'm just worried." There was honest concern in his face so I decided to give in minimally.
"All I can say is that he's okay and recovering in the hospital. That's it." After I said that I rolled the ball cart to the closet and left for home. The whole way there I was thinking about Bokuto, which wasn't unusual, but it wasn't the same. I felt that sickening feeling again, right after I told Yamato that Bokuto was okay. Maybe I should stop talking about him I thought. I nodded to myself and kept walking back home, trying to think about anything but my bright, gray-haired friend. I even started thinking about exams, something I choose to only do when I'm studying. When I got to my room I looked around. Everything seemed to be in place. The bed was made, clothes folded, desk tidy, and- oh. I strolled to my shelf to find that same keychain that I got for Bokuto and me. I started thinking back to all our dates, then all our conversations, all our everything.