For, quite possibly the last 2 months, I've had a reoccurring dream,
It starts the same,
Me getting the text,
And it ends the same,
Me waking up and silencing my cries so I don't wake anyone,
I close my eyes at night,
And I shift into dream spaces,
I get an unexpected text from your friend,
The one that I hated,
He tells me the news,
I'm sorry to tell you but I really thought you deserved to know, especially since you were so important to him but he killed himself a couple of days ago. We didn't know how to tell you but he's gone and I'm so sorry to have to be the one to tell you over a shitty text.
My body shivers to match the change in the air,
As I realize there can never be a "we made it back to each other" moment ever again,
And I'm awake,
It's not a long dream,
But it feels disgustingly real and torture-like long,
Then I'm in this even more disgusting state,
Where I question everything I stand for,
Do I text you and make sure you're okay,
Or do I leave you alone like I promised myself I would?
It's never been a question of pride,
But more a question of 'is it worth being in a toxic situation with you like I was for so long or would I be okay knowing I didn't try to save you?'
Everytime I have had this dream I ended up going back to you,
I told myself it was to make sure you were fine because I could never lose you,
And I know you told yourself it's because your charm was irresistible and we were each other's forevers,
Today I broke the cycle and I stood my ground,
I hope you're okay but I'm learning to put me first.
YOU ARE READING
17th Street.
PoezjaThese are short poems I wrote throughout my 17th street of life and it was the only way I deemed fit for me to heal and ascend out of all the love and heartbreak and loss I've had to deal with. I wrote them in hopes that one day I'd get to look back...
