masquerade | din djarin

0.4

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THE RIDE

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[ 7 ABY ] 

"So, I guess we're really doing this, huh?" Rowan said to break the awkward silence. She and the Mandalorian both stood outside of the cantina, Greef having just explained to them the next bounty.

The Mandalorian just stared at her---or so she thought. It was difficult to see what was underneath his dark visor.

Rowan huffed. "Okay, no need to be so chatty," she muttered snarkily, just loud enough for him to hear. She paused a moment more and then turned on her heel, leaving the armor-clad man in the dust.

"Hey! Where are you going?" He caught up to her, matching her quick pace with his long strides. 

"To my ship."

"Your ship? We're taking mine."

Rowan stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. "No, we're not."

The Mandalorian gave the slightest tilt of his head. "And why not?"

"Because I want to take mine." Rowan folded her arms across her chest. "What makes your ship better, anyway?"

"Because it's mine. And I guess I'll find the bounty and keep the earnings for myself, if you don't want to come."

His voice was flat, monotone, and not threatening in the slightest. Still, Rowan relented. It took all of her willpower not to roll her eyes. She tucked a stray red curl back under her hood. "I guess we can take yours. Mine is getting serviced, anyway."

The Mandalorian said nothing and continued walking, Rowan a few steps behind him. One thing that she had learned from years of wandering was to pick her battles. Choosing one with a warrior in armor was most likely not the smartest one, no matter how much she was annoyed by his controlling manner. Besides, she was over them bickering as if they were children. However, the Mandalorian was somewhat forgiven when she spotted his ship, her jaw nearly dropping in awe. The nerdy part of her was freaking out inside when she saw the old Razor Crest, but the prideful side forced her to keep her mouth shut.

The Mandalorian walked up the landing, Rowan following close behind. She slowly perused everything inside, her eyes not giving away what she was thinking. The Mandalorian subtly glanced at her to see her reaction. He was proud of his ship; it was his home. A part of him wanted Rowan to appreciate it too, the part of him that remembered the seven-year-old redhead with a missing tooth and freckles that would hug him goodbye every single time they parted---the side of him that considered this girl as his second half.

What if---No.

The Mandalorian rid himself of the poignant thoughts and possibilities swirling in his brain. They had a bounty to find and money to earn. There was no time for sentimentality.

The two had not exchanged a word since they had come to an agreement on whose ship to ride, and they still had not as the Mandalorian climbed the ladder up to the cockpit, Rowan following. He sat in the pilot's seat and Rowan in one to his side.

It was awkward.

The Mandalorian wanted so badly to just say something, to say anything to remind her of the past they shared. But opening that door would unlock a Pandora's box of questions that couldn't be answered.

Rowan broke the silence. "Do you ever take off your helmet?"

The Mandalorian was stunned. How did she know that was the exact question he had wanted to avoid? He was so torn, between wanting to take off his helmet, just once, just for this girl, and no one would ever know. 

But this is the way.

He shifted in his seat and settled his hands on the controls. "No."

"Why not?"

She was as inquisitive as he remembered. "Because it's the Creed I took when I was of age."

"What's the Creed?" 

The Mandalorian started pressing buttons and flipping switches, and the ship rumbled to life as it prepared for takeoff. "I vowed to never take my helmet off in front of any living thing."

"What happens if you take it off?" Rowan leaned forward, her curiosity getting the best of her.

The Mandalorian began to pull his ship into the air. "I just can't put it back on. It's the Way."

"So you won't die or anything?"

"No." The ship jolted and sped upwards and out, leaving Nevarro in its wake.

"But if you take it off in front of one person and you both don't talk about it, how will anyone ever know?"

The Mandalorian sucked in a silent breath. Is she--is she asking what I think she's asking? There's no possible way. She doesn't even know who I am.

"It doesn't matter who knows or not," he answered her after collecting his thoughts. "It's about honor and loyalty to the Creed and to the other Mandalorians. It's like keeping a promise to someone you care about." His tone had taken a bitter turn. "Even if they don't know you broke it, it's still a broken promise and you have to live with that guilt and shame of being a traitor."

Just like you did to me.

Rowan was silent. That was the most she had heard him talk at once in the last hour of meeting him. His thorough and almost emotional explanation hushed her mouth, though she had dozens of more questions flying through her mind. Something that seemed like anger and hurt radiated off of him in waves, but something else Rowan sensed that was almost longing for something, a feeling tender and vulnerable that he hid deep inside him.

The Mandalorian let out a steady breath that crackled through his modulator. He was so torn. He wanted to tell her it was him, to say that he was right here, he never left, and to just abandon what had become his very reason for living for this one girl. This girl that had stolen his heart so many years ago and had taken it with her. Part of him was still bitter, harboring all of the hurt and guilt that had built up since that day they went separate ways. Part of him was angry and never wanted to speak to her ever again. 

Deep down, however, he knew that he never wanted to leave her side now that they had crossed paths.

They remained silent for the rest of the ride. 

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i had to split this one because it got wayyyyy too long!!! the next one is a bit *spicy*. hopefully things work out between rowan and mando. also, why did rowan "sense" how mando was feeling? how? that's interesting...maybe we'll find out later...