MCYT oneshots

Eret?

Not 1k special, still too busy for that sorry! This could possibly be based off of true events of me- we're not gonna talk about that.
TW// Self harm
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Eret's POV
My thoughts wouldn't leave me alone. I was just cutting a piece of cardboard for something with a knife and I could help but be... curious.
Is this knife sharp enough to cut me?
Would that distract me from my regret..?
I ignored these thoughts, knowing I shouldn't but a little later they became too loud.
They were shouting at me.
I didn't let it show, I didn't need Niki, who was at my place, coming downstairs to see that. It was so hard. Why did I do this to myself?
Images of my final control room flashed through my mind as I tightened my grip on the knife. The screams of my friends echoed in my head like thunder ran through the SMP on stormy days. The words I regret ever saying taunted me.
Before I knew it I had the knife to my wrist.
What if I cut to deep.. or hit a vein.. I shouldn't do this.
I move the knife to the front of my hand just above my wrist and pressed down. The fairly dull knife poking my skin as I dragged it a small bit. It didn't cut me so I did it again in the same spot a few times. No blood. Just the stinging pain clearing my regret.
I moved the knife slightly below that one and did it again, staring blankly as warm, crimson blood slowly started coming out. Not a lot but it was enough. I realized what I did and quickly put the knife down.
While heading to my room I heard Niki open the bathroom door.
I heard her gasp lightly and she ran to me and grabbed my hand.
"What did you do??" She asked concerned at the scratches I made.
"I- I slipped while cutting the- the uhm box and cut myself?" I said, it sounded more like a question then an explanation and I could tell she didn't believe me.
"Eret?" She started, "did you do this?"
She looked up at me, meeting my eyes as I looked away.
"I- at least they're small!..." I said trying to make her worry less.
It didn't work.
Suddenly she pulled me into her arms and gave me a hug. I started lightly crying.
We let go and went into my room and she sat on the bed, patting the spot next to her.
I sat down next to her and she hugged me again while mumbling a small 'why?'
I started crying again as the same images of my betrayal came back.
"I regret everything I said that day..." I whispered, shivering at the thought of my words.
She nodded and rubbed my back.
"It's okay.." she said. "You're okay."
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Hope you enjoyed, it was bad yes but I kinda had no where to go with this.
I'm proud of all of you, you're worth it, you're amazing, you deserve the world, never forget that.
💖