Whispered Desires

Chapter 18: The Dress

JASMINE

"Why did I agree to this again?" I hold up a blue baby bonnet, scrunching my nose at the sight.

"Because you're my best friend. And because I don't understand how you can't find these ridiculously cute!" Mila grabs the bonnet from my hands and throws it back in the bowl, only to pick out a yellow one which she then hands to me. "Here, look at that! It's perfect."

I study the yellow bonnet in my hands, a tiny bear is stitched on the front, and a white toorie dangles from the top. And again, I scrunch my nose, the action earning me a slap on my shoulder from my best friend, whose belly looks about ready to burst any second now. "What?" I retort. "I don't like babies."

"How can you not like babies? They're so cute!" She demonstratively rubs her belly, and I have to suppress yet another eye-roll today from the mere sight of that. "Don't listen to her, peanut. Auntie Jas will love you."

"I didn't say I wouldn't love your child, Mimi. I just said I don't like babies in general... Yours might be cool, though. We'll see."

Mila reaches for the bonnet in my hands and throws it into the basket full of gender-neutral clothing dangling from her arm. "You know, I still can't believe you don't want kids."

"You've known me for what, twenty-four years? And still don't believe me?"

"That's not what I mean... I mean, like, I believe you don't want kids. And that's okay. I just don't...I don't know why."

"Didn't we have this conversation about a dozen times already?" I ask with a laugh, grabbing the basket from her hands to hand it to the cashier in front of us.

"We did, but we also know what this pregnancy brain does to me."

I can't help but laugh now, turning to my best friend with a smirk on my lips. "Yeah, it makes you horny, annoyed, and forgetful."

The cashier stifles a laugh, glancing from Mila to me with curiosity before she gets back to her job. I nudge my best friend when I see the blush in her cheeks, obviously regretting taking me with her today, now. "Jas..."

"What? It's true!" I laugh in response. Mila crosses her arms in front of her chest—or tries to, her now gigantic boobs don't work well with the short arms—and pouts, like a little child who didn't get the toy she was asking for. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry!" I shoot the cashier a glance, letting her know she should not make a face that could make Mila even more uncomfortable now. "Well, I don't think I need a reason to not want kids. I just don't. The earth is overpopulated, anyway, and I don't need society to tell me I need to be a mother because I have boobs and a vagina. Besides, letting something grow in my body seems strange."

Now I'm the one getting a weird look from the cashier, but I only respond with a shrug as I slide my credit card over the reader. "It's not strange." Mila chimes in and grabs the bags from the counter. "It's beautiful. I feel privileged."

"I'm sure you do. I don't think I will, though." Waving goodbye to the cashier, I grab the bags from Mila's hand and pull her out of the nightmare of a baby-clothing-store. "Don't get me wrong, Mimi. I'm happy for you, and I'll always go on these baby shopping sprees with you, because I'm sure your child will be the only one I actually like. But it's just not for me."

She sighs and scoots closer to me, her tiny hands holding onto my arms like she's scared I'd run off if she didn't. "I know. I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable or something—"

"You didn't. I just want it to be normalized. I don't have to want to have kids. Men don't get looked at weirdly when they decide they don't want kids. Women do. It's sexist, and honestly, archaic. This is the twenty-first century, for fuck's sake..."