𝙌𝙪𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙊𝙣𝙚 𝙎𝙝𝙤𝙩𝙨

Picture perfect - Maylor

-ROGER-

I was laying on my back on the bed with my legs crossed while I scrolled through Instagram. I saw countless photos of people who had my dream body: sculpted abs, formed biceps, a sharp jawline that could cut through paper, and a face that doesn't have a double chin on it when you smile a bit. My dream body.

I sighed deeply as I rolled over to my side, continuously scrolling through my feed, feeling so much pity for myself. Why can't I be like them? Why can't I be as handsome and as buff as them? Maybe if I'm a little bit thinner, maybe I'll be Instagram famous too. Someone who'll be racking up likes without too much effort. But I'll never be that. I could never be that.

I tapped my own profile and saw my feed. It was.... okay. I looked okay in my photos as here as well. I got my right angles, my right smile, my right posing so my tummy wouldn't show. It looked.... okay.

It has a few likes, all from my friends. It didn't reach a hundred but I think that's okay. There were some comments as well, but it was all from the same people. The same person rather. It was all from Freddie. He knows about my insecurities so he would constantly comment things that would boost up my confidence like:

"you look hot 🔥"
"I like your shirt. it fits you well."
"your blonde hair looks magnificent today."

And to be honest. It made me feel better about myself. But not so much. Some days, I'd still feel like poo.

There would be nights where I would just stare at my body in the mirror and look at my rounded beer belly, tearing up a bit as I blamed myself because I allowed myself to look like this. Sometimes, I would watch interviews of myself on television and I would see my almost rounded cheeks and double chin constantly in view for everyone to see, and I almost want to punch the television broken just so I couldn't see it anymore.

There were nights where I would just stare at the ceiling, thinking about why I wasn't perfect. Why was I not as pretty as them, as sexy as them, as clear-skinned as them, as perfect as them.

Why am I.... me?

"Rog?" I hadn't realized that Brian had already sat down on his side of the bed and had been calling my attention for the past minute. "Sorry, I didn't see you there." I apologized and he smiled then leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. "You're quiet. What are you thinking about?" He asked. I knew that he knew what I was thinking about, but he said that he wanted me to tell him everything that I thought about because it will help me overcome my insecurities.

And to be honest, I think it is working a little. It's so nice to feel that you have a support system. Someone who you know you could trust, and someone who you know wouldn't judge you, whatever it may be that comes out of your mouth.

"No. Nothing. It's nothing, Bri." I responded and he hummed, then he laid on his side and wrapped his arms around my chest, trapping me in his embrace. "I know it's not nothing, Rog. Tell me." He leaned and rested his lips on my neck, making me ticklish with his breath. "What happened to 'you'll tell me everything?'" He continued and I sighed deeply, debating on whether to tell him that I've made the mistake of scrolling through Instagram again, and that I've compared myself to the people whom I've seen on my feed. "I won't ever be perfect, won't I?"

"What are you talking about, Rog? How could you say that when you're literally the most perfect person I've ever met in my whole, entire life!" He raised his head a bit to look at my eyes and I moved my face a bit, avoiding his gaze. "Rog, listen to me, come on." He ran his fingers through my cheek as he pulled my face towards him but I wouldn't budge. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look at his beautiful face with my ugly features. It doesn't seem right.

"Why aren't you looking at me, Rog?" He asked and I hummed a bit, then I closed my eyes as I tried to keep my tears away. "Because I can't listen to any more of your lies. I can't take it." My voice almost cracked but I'm glad it didn't because if it did, I would be full-on crying right now. "You're just saying all of these things because you're my boyfriend. And boyfriends make their boyfriends feel better. And that's exactly what you're doing, Bri. Why don't you just say it? Why don't you tell me the truth and tell me that I'm not perfect." I continued but this time around, I felt no shame in crying in front of him.

I couldn't help it. My emotions got the best of me.

"You're right, Rog." He nonchalantly said. I sharply looked at him, looking directly at his eyes but he wouldn't catch my gaze. "You're right. You're not perfect." He said and I sobbed some more, my tears have not seemed to stop flowing from my eyes.

"I knew it." I mumbled through my tears, finally realizing that everything that I've thought about myself is true. And that everything that he had said to me in the past is all a bunch of lies. I knew it.

"You're not perfect, Rog. You're not like those Instagram models that have flawless skin and polished up body. You're not that... " He started and I felt his arms hold me tighter, sharing the warmth of his body across my shivering body.

"You're not perfect. But to me, you are. And I don't know why you're always comparing yourself to those photoshopped models when here you are, living in front of me with the softest blonde hair that I have ever felt, the brightest blue eyes that I have ever stared at, and the softest skin that I have ever caressed. Now tell me if that still isn't perfect."

At that moment, I was a sobbing mess, but this time around, it wasn't because of my insecurities. It was because of the words that fell out of Brian's mouth, on how he made me feel so secure when I was the most insecure person that I have ever known.

"You always compare yourself to them, but you never realized how in awe I am whenever I see you. How I am always star struck when I see you smile, or when I see you laugh, or when I see your eyes glimmer when you eat your favourite food. You never see them, Rog. But I do. I always see them. And that alone makes you over the top perfect. You made me head over heels for you, Rog. I am so in love with every bit of you."

My vision was blurry but I still managed to find his face and pull him towards me, kissing his lips as I calmed myself down and eventually finding comfort in his embrace. "I love you, Bri."

"I'll always love you, Rog. Always."