Toshiro
She was staring at the flowers placed on her grave. It was a quiet day. I sat next to her, while enjoying the silence for just a bit longer. It was a rare day where we merely appreciated each other's company. The rest of the days, we would have meaningless conversations about our memories, things we done and things we wanted to do in the future.
Today wasn't one of those days.
I had taken in the surroundings and found myself staring at the flowers too. Someone must have visited.
"My brother came to visit," she stated suddenly. "You do not seem happy about that." I did not expect her to be happy to see her living family. Her family that have been slowly aging and experiencing life, while her body remained the same.
Nontheless, I knew it was something else. I knew her. Karin was not someone who would easily show such a mood. She was someone who would mask her feelings with a smile. Or if she did show her frustrations, she would never dare cry in front of me. I was not fond of this habit.
Karin let out a breath of air. "He was, you know, distressed. He was... crying," she said, finding her own statement hard to swallow. Everything said with uncertainty; she did not believe her own eyes. "Apparently a lot of bazzare things happened to him over the years. He stood there, ranting to my gravestone."
The things she saw was difficult to say and relive in her mind. It sounded that way; her voice was softer. "And I just hid. Too scared to say anything to him. Would it even help that he saw his dead sister try to comfort him?"
She looked away, breathing in deeply. I knew then, she was hiding her face. Those tears had to stay unnoticeable, so I decided that it was unnoticeable. I didn't know what else to do, so I done something Rangiku done for me. I done what Captain Ishida used to do. I done what Momo needed, but I could never do for her.
I pulled my hand away. My movements were slow, because I questioned if it was a good idea to do this. Rangiku and Inoue are watching you. A part of me nagged, but that became insignificant. The thought was barely acknowledged; the action was equally not thought about.
I just did it: I hugged her.
Once I did, I stopped thinking about everything. She had been tense for a bit, albeit she did not rebuke. Unlike before, Karin did not break down. She did not cry.
"You know," she whispered. I wanted to lean back, to dare to catch a glimpse of her face in this embarrassing position. However, Karin prevented that by abruptly hugging me tightly.
Reality sunk in.
There was no time to process that my arms were around her shoulders and my heartbeat was becoming louder. I was not able to understand why my heart was so... audible. I was not able to think about the fact that she hugged me back. None of that could sink in - only the reality.
I hesitated in responding. That 'yes' took a lot of courage. Perhaps the hug had used all my courage, I would not know. Or it was genuine fear. Once I said those things that I blocked-out aloud, they would feel all-the-more real. I would have to come to terms with the inevitable and I have just been avoiding it. I would have to admit I was being immature and negligent.
All of this, because I wanted to be with her.
That was my epiphany.
I...
"What are you going to do?" She asked in a whisper. If she had spoken louder, her voice would most likely reveal too much of her emotions. If I was able to pinpoint the feelings she did not want to show, it might have been 'hurt'.
She, and I, did not want to accept what was the answer.
"I have to," I said feebly. How out of character it was for me to be vulnerable and neither have composure - not including my childish outbursts.
As I heard Karin breathe in, I noticed that she had been silently crying. "I know." She became more relaxed. Her hug that desperately tried to hide her moment of 'vulnerability' had become gentle as if comforting the both of us.
... want to be by her side.
"It is your job and for my sake," she paused, "so I don't become a hollow."
But that might be impossible.
╭┈
│ I finally wrote it. Yay - even though I tried and failed in not making the scenes too cring-y.
│ To the point, I'll start publishing around December. Thank you for reading!
╰────────────
YOU ARE READING
╭Lamented╮
Fiksi Umum"Excuse me," Toshiro managed to say. She didn't respond, but her small, frail, body jolted. The ghost looked at him with her gray, tear-filled, eyes. "H... Hello," he stuttered out. "H-hello." What was the reasoning behind him approaching this gi...
