Poem by Dana Young
Dad
Dad, daddy. No matter how you say it.
I never had you and I missed you.
Every day I wondered why you didn't
Love us enough to want to stay.
Why my mom had to share her body to get you to visit us.
I know you love us. I used to sometimes believe you didn't care.
You demanded love and respect from us but it felt like it didn't go both ways.
Money didn't buy our happiness. Neither did the brief visits.
The seconds we got of your time.
I know. At that time we weren't your priority.
You were young and in the prime of your life.
Women, cars, and sex controlled your mind.
I felt like you chose the kids you loved and wanted. I wondered why you never chose us too. Not instead of them. But why weren't we included? Why didn't we meet your parents before they died?
Now you are in a coma due to a heart condition and hypertension and a lifetime of hard living and I may lose you forever. I may lose what never was but now may never be...
Dad. Out of sorrow I called you by your name. Because "dad" was unfamiliar. The name and you were both strangers to me. I never even knew your middle name. Or anything about you. Other than you dressed stylish and had nice cars. I never saw you at graduations or family events. I felt like my brother and I were secret children. Your entire family couldn't understand why you separated your children from them. Now I may lose you. I don't know what will happen. And my heart hurts. I have an innocent heart murmur like you but that isn't what is causing the pain. Its the realization of How much I love you even tho I tried to harden my heart. Even though I wanted to hate you or feel anything other than this crushing pain. Its the pain of figuring out that i just wished to see you more and I may not have another chance. I hope I have another chance. I hope that life wouldn't be that cruel to officially take you from us. To take away our chance to get to know you. I know that you have regrets and you see how we've grown up in your absence. To be great and responsible adults despite your absence or seeing your lifestyle. Thanks to God and our mom. Its not fair. I never really got to call you dad and feel the warmth and security of that title. I always craved it and wondered what was wrong with us. Now I just crave for you to make it. I don't want another Young funeral. I don't want to bury a parent. I don't want to lose you, dad. Dad. Daddy. Life just ain't fair. How can I scroll through Facebook and see your old posts. It hurts to know that you cant reply. Not in person or online. You are in a coma. From a heart condition. A serious problem. My heart hurts and I can barely breathe. From the unshed tears of the past and the ones that are falling inwardly now.
You woke up yesterday on August 20th and that was the night you confessed your past sins and asked for forgiveness and a new beginning for us all. I can finally breathe again. Get well soon dad. Don't leave us for good. Not yet
