Shut up // Judd Birch x reader

49: the end of us

That's how my first relationship ended.

It's been 4 years since me and Judd broke up, I ended up moving to New York with Jessi and Shannon and we started a new life there. It was hard and I became heavily depressed but eventually I found a job and was now working in a small cafe in Manhattan.

The mornings were always very hectic and I would rush around preparing coffees for the morning commuters. Some were grumpy and would sometimes complain if I didn't make their coffee in less than a minute but others were kind and gentle and would often talk to me about their lives like the current lady I was talking to, who was telling me about her two little dogs that were waiting for her at home.
"Ones called fluffy and the other ones bisky!" She told me with a huge proud smile on her face.
"They sound adorable!" I replied enthusiastically. She nodded and I passed her the flat white I had just prepared for her.
"You're a very sweet young lady, don't let anyone take away your smile." She replied warmly, I true smile creeped onto my face.
"Thank you so much, I hope you enjoy your coffee." I told her and watched her waddle away with a beam on her face. It was customers like her that made me glad I was working this job.

I've matured a lot in these four years and I've learnt a lot from working, it made me realize how immature I had been in my relationship with Judd and I did have some regret but at the end of the day I figured that I was better off without him. We had been toxic in some ways with each other, I had relied on him too much. But I've noticed that I've never been able to open up my heart to another boy in the same way, which had been a problem and the reasons why most of my relationships ended. I wasn't able to get emotionally attached to anyone else. My heart in some ways still longed for Judd but I had pushed that longing to the back of my mind for so long that it practically didn't exist anymore.

"(Y/n) can you work the afternoon shift as well?" My manager asked snapping me out of my pensive trance, as he walked around taking orders from customers. I looked outside to see that the sun was shining, but as much as I'd want to go out in the sun i knew I could do with the extra money.

I had moved out of the apartment with Shannon and Jessi and was now living alone, it was lonely sometimes but I liked the independence. I refused to have a roommate because I liked being alone, especially after a long morning at work there was nothing more that I liked than a nice evening in the bath with a glass of wine, no interruptions, just peace.

I nodded in response to my manager who sent me a warm smile and thanked me with his hands clasped together. He was sweet and always let me keep 100% of the tips I made. Partially he was the reason I kept my smile as he wasn't oppressive and rude like other bosses that I had worked for in the past.

The bell on the door, that made a small clanging sound every time someone entered, rang but I was too busy on preparing an order to see who it was. I figured it was just one of the regulars so that my boss could take their orders and chat with them.

But then I heard a voice that I could recognize from a mile away. "Can I have a double espresso, and she'll have a macchiato." I snapped my gaze up and made eye contact with the boy that I had thought about for four years. His eyes widened and he suddenly broke the eye contact, turning and facing the slim blonde girl that was standing next to her.

I couldn't stand to see him, no, I refused to see him. So I told my boss I was going to take a break and rushed into the back room. My heart was beating through my chest and my breathing became irregular. It had been four years, he obviously had moved on. So why couldn't I?

My manager suddenly burst into the room, "hey hey hey what's up?" He crouched down next to me and started rubbing circles into my back supportively.
"That was my ex, I'm sorry I shouldn't have left like that it was very immature of me." I apologized and dug my head into my hands.
"Is that the famous Judd Birch?" My manager asked, just at the sound of Judd's name I could feel my palms sweating. I nodded and groaned, annoyed with myself.

"Well I think you should get some closure, go out and serve him like the customer he is, pretend like it's nothing and I'm sure he'll do the same." My manager said, "It's an order (y/n)." He added, making my head snap up to look at him.

Nodding I got back up to my feet and walked back out to the counter. I began to make their order as I remembered what he had said. I could feel the cold stare coming from Judd and it felt like a weight on my shoulders. I shook my head and placed the prepared coffees on the counters and lifted my head to look at the two in front of me.

"It's good to see you again Mr Birch, I hope you enjoy your coffees." I forced a smile onto my face and slid them their coffees over the counter. The blonde girl smiled at me and took her coffee, thanking me. Despite everything she seemed like a nice girl. I was happy for him.

"It's nice to see you too (Y/n)." Judd smiled and then walked out of the shop, leaving me behind this time.