Shut up // Judd Birch x reader

34: eavesdropping

After looking after Julian that day me and him became quite close, Judd wasn't always happy about me hanging out with him but didn't make too much of a fuss. It was the day before the trip and I was talking with Julian in the corridor, waiting for Judd to come back from the bathroom. I had to say that he seemed to be taking his time so I walked in the direction of the toilet, I planned to just stick my head in and tell my grumpy boyfriend that I was going to start walking towards my class but just before turning to the corner into the corridor where the toilets were located I heard Judd's and another boys voice. They seemed to be talking calmly, which was unusual because Judd didn't really have any friends as far as I knew. 

"So you're sharing a room with (Y/n) and that faggot." The unknown male voice said, I frowned and was about to interrupt their conversation when I heard Judd reply. 
"Yeah and?" I clenched my jaw, not knowing what to think of the reply, the fact that he wasn't depending Julian did piss me off but I decided to stay quiet and listen to their conversation- it was wrong but I couldn't help but be curious. 
"You're currently dating (Y/n) aren't you, haha I feel sorry for you...must be difficult dealing with someone like that." I wasn't sure who this guy thought he was but I was sure that Judd would say something. Well that's what I thought. 
"Who said I was dating (Y/n)?" His voice sounded smug, I couldn't believe my ears. Was he ashamed of dating me, I didn't understand. 

Instead of being a bitch and crying about it like I did last time I simply walked off and walked out of the school, walking towards Judd's home. I was going grab my shit and go home, I didn't know what else to do. I was beside myself with anger but also a certain sadness resided in my stomach which wouldn't go away. I balled my hands up into fists and entered the Birch's residence through the back door, I then proceed to shove my things into a rucksack and luggage. I didn't know where I was going to go because I couldn't go home and deal with my father. 

After a bit of thinking and internal conflict, I decided it was just easiest to ask Julian if I could crash at his for the night. It was a bit inconvenient because I had to go back to school but I decided I'd leave my luggage in the janitors closet at school and then get it at the end of the day. 

I sent Julian a quick text and he replied almost immediately saying it wouldn't be a problem and that his mom could even give us a lift to school the next morning. I thanked him and got up off Judd's bed, which was where I had perched myself. 

Am I not good enough for you Judd? Are you ashamed of me? I asked myself. Without realising it, my cheeks had become wet and the overwhelming smell of Judd's cologne filled my nostrils. I just wanted him to embrace me and whisper sweet nothings to me, which is what he'd usually do when we were cuddled up in bed. I really thought he had changed from the person he used to be, I really thought he had opened up to me in some way and that we were happy, I guess that was my mistake- I always had been delusional in this sense. 

A shaky sigh escaped my lips as I stood up, trying to get back in motion, after all I had to leave before anyone got home. My thoughts were racing but I grabbed one of Judd's hoodies that he had worn the night before and shoved it in my bag, I didn't really think about it whilst doing it but I couldn't help it. I left the house with my luggage and began walking to school with my head hung so that my gaze was fixated on the ground. 

I got everything done quickly and decided to skip the last period and go to my usual smoking spot. I sat there for the following hour until I heard the bell ring, indicating the end of the school day. A couple of minutes later I got a call from Julian asking where I was, I told him where I was and patiently waited for him. He turned up a second later with the last person I wanted to see. Judd was looming behind him with a clenched jaw. I didn't even make eye contact with him, instead I carried on talking to Julian as if he wasn't there. 

"I'll get my bags and then we can go." I shot Julian a smile, to which he raised an eyebrow- I knew he sensed the tension in the air but I was glad he hadn't said anything about it yet. He nodded slowly and then watched me as I scuttled into the school again, I could hear another pair of footsteps following me though. I turned the corner and quickly hid in the Janitors closet, which was conveniently was where my luggage was located. I closed my eyes as my back pressed against the door, listening to the footsteps pass by and become fainted as Judd walked further from where I was hidden. 

This is what we had come to? Me hiding in a closet to avoid seeing him? I was embarrassed of my own behaviour, but more importantly that I wasn't mature enough to face him and discuss what had happened or why I was annoyed at him. I just wasn't ready to have that argument yet. 

Shaking my head I let out a chuckle that was intended to be at my own ridiculousness before grabbing my things and getting out, making my way back towards Julian. I found him standing there with wide eyes, almost like he couldn't believe what he had seen. "What?" I blurted out, without meaning to I had sounded rather rude. He made a funny face and then rolled his eyes. 
"Miss (Y/L/N) you need to tell me what the fuck is going on or I'll send you home." He said with a comedic look on his face. I nodded and started telling him what happened whilst we walked to the bus stop. 

"He really said that? Have you talked to him about it?" Julian said as we got on the bus, he gave me a hand with the luggage and placed it at his feet. 
"No, I know it's stupid but I just am not strong enough to face him yet." 
"(Y/n), you haven't even talked to him about it yet, you maybe don't even know the whole story yet...I'm not saying this to defend him in any way I just find it quite strange that he'd deny it after all the pda that y'all did." He scratched his neck awkwardly, I sighed and shrugged. 
"I'm behaving like a child but I just need space right now to think things through." He nodded to my response with a concerned look, I knew he didn't agree with me on my methods but he didn't say anything.

My phone then started buzzing uncontrollably with notifications.