Shut up // Judd Birch x reader

26: why?

My gaze flickered up to see Tae smiling down at me, his expression changed when he saw my face though, his eyebrows creased momentarily in concern. "Are you ok?" He asked, I widened my eyes- I was in complete surprise that he was here. I saw that behind him was a group of boys that all looked Korean watching me with curious eyes. 
"uh-Tae! Fancy seeing you here!" I pulled myself together and wiped my tears away with the palm of my hand. He sighed and grabbed my arm, taking me away to the side so that we could speak privately. 
"What's up? I know you're not ok." He crouched down a little so we were around about the same height. I took a deep breath and smiled, 
"I just got a bit emotional over something, but it's nothing don't worry." I assured him then he pulled me into a hug and just the feeling of someone embracing me made me start to sob. Tae's grip on me tightened and I tried regaining composure whilst my head was buried in the crook of his neck. 

When I finally calmed down completely I thoroughly apologised to him for being so emotion in his presence, he told me that it didn't bother him at all but I was more embarrassed that I had made myself so vulnerable in front of him. Something caught my eye in the distance and I gasped as I saw Judd standing a few meters away with a furious expression plastered on his face. When we made eye contact it looked like he wanted to kill me, but he quickly turned his head away and walked away. 

"Is everything ok?" Tae asked after seeing my expression of pain, I nodded and took a deep breath. 

"So you're staying here huh?" I beamed at him, burying any negative emotion for the time being. He nodded happily and suggested I come to meet his friends so that I could hang out with him for the afternoon. I did the stupid thing to agree. 

I didn't want to think about the trouble with Judd, so I tried my hardest to get him out of my head- but by the time it was evening I wanted to see him so much it was unbearable. Tae saw me become fidgety so I eventually told him that I needed to go back to my room for a while. I wanted to go find Judd and apologise for how sensitive I had gotten this afternoon, I wanted to also tell him that Tae was just a friend of mine and that I only really wanted him. 

When I finally arrived to the door of our room I was completely out of breath, but when I opened the door there was no one there. Shit, I thought to myself and threw my bikini, that I didn't end up using, onto the bed. I pulled out my phone and tried calling him but it went straight to voicemail. 
"Pick up!" I cried out exasperatedly. 

When I finally decided I wasn't going to get anywhere just calling him, I pulled on my trainers and went to go and find him on my own. Despite the fact that it was pitch black outside and night had already fallen, I was going to search until my feet were sore. Unfortunately I didn't have to search far, I spotted his head from afar. He was near the pool, there was loud music and a crowd of people so I couldn't really see what he was doing. 

Then everything seemed to go in slow motion, the moment I saw what he was doing my heart almost completely stopped. He was dancing with a tanned beautiful Italian girl, but the moment that I caught them in was when he was pulling her face towards his. I stand there, my feet unable to move. Suddenly his eyes flickered up and we made eye contact and his face fell. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. For a split second I thought I saw regret in his eyes, but I wasn't sure as I quickly but calmly turned away and walked back inside the hotel. 

Why did I feel so numb all of a sudden? A few hours ago I hated his guts, not I just felt nothing. All I wanted to do was go back to my own bedroom at home, even though I would be in the same house as that monster of a dad, at least I would be at my own home- not someone else's. Even though I was living with Jessi, it wasn't my house and it never will be. I wanted to be in the house I held my mother in, I wanted to see her and for her to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok.  

I walked to the room and packed up my things, whilst I got everything ready to go I booked a cab and a flight to go back to my hometown. It seemed funny to me, how I went from never wanting to go back to suddenly not feeling able to stay anywhere else. I ignore how my eyes burned because of how much I was crying, it didn't matter, I only needed to leave. 

Suddenly my phone started ringing, I didn't check who it was, I simply hung up and walked out of the room with my luggage. What I didn't expect was to see Judd running towards me with a desperate look on his face. "(Y/N!)" He shouted, but when he reached me I simply carried on walking past him. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked back at me leaving. 
"Judd stop, I'm going home." I tried to conceal how much my voice was trembling but failed terribly. 
"No, you're not." His voice was low and extremely serious. I didn't know what he was trying to do but I wasn't about to fall for it. He had grabbed my arm and had a tight grip on it. 
"Yes, I am, now let go of me please." He shook his head like a little child. 
"I'm not letting go until you listen to me." When he said that I chuckled, but it didn't sound like me. 
"What do you even have to say." I replied, looking him dead in the eye with a small smile. 

He didn't reply, instead it just looked like he had the words caught in his throat. I sighed and nodded, I knew he wasn't going to answer me. "Just as expected Judd Birch, you can't-"

"I love you (Y/n) (Y/l/n)"