off the ice | l.mh

chapter 3: steady now

I'm not sure if I'm awake, dead, or dreaming, but somebody please take me out of this misery.

Your neck struggles to support your head as you fight to stay conscious on the locker room bench. It's early Saturday morning and team practice is far from over. Unwillingly, you had to stay up the previous night, studying deep into the AM because a certain boy kept distracting you in your head.

Over and over again, through your shift at the diner to the ride home to right here as you cling onto Yuna's arm for support, Mark's cute smile and Lisa's daring accusations spin through your tired mind. It's really not fair- a guy talks to you once and you're already imagining things...

You quickly shake the thoughts from your head.

     "Alright girls, thanks for coming in so early today," your head skating coach, Tanya, smiles warmly, "captains, get everyone warmed up and I'll go over some exciting announcements at the end of practice".

    "Thank you, Tanya," the fatigued girls chorus half-heartedly and the captains usher everyone out of the locker room into the hallway for stretching.

    Reaching down to touch her toes, Yuna looks over to you. "Y/n, are you okay? You look worse than usual".

    The exhausted expression on your face says it all as you bend down, joints popping, to do the same. "I've got a lot on my mind. Econ test is coming up too". You yawn into your words.

    "I know you're gonna say no, but if you wanna let loose a little, there's a party tonight," Yuna peers at you upside-down from in between her legs.

    "You know I'm not a party person," you decline, blacking out slightly as you stand back up. You blink to clear your vision.

As much as you admire your popular best friend for putting herself out there and being able to have fun at a party, it couldn't be you. The drinking, the smoking, the groping, ogling men- not to mention the anxiety of existing in a frat house full of judgmental peers- was all too much for you. As tempting as letting loose a little on a Saturday night sounds, you'd much rather do it in a way that involves your cozy pj's and watching your favorite skating compilations on YouTube. Alone.

    "I know, I know," Yuna holds her hands up innocently, "but it could be fun. I know Mark is gonna be there".

    You whip your head around so fast that your ponytail nearly slaps her in the face. Flustered, you smooth down the nonexistent wrinkles on the front of your skating jacket. "Oh, that's nice. What's that got to do with me?".

    "Just letting you know," Yuna shrugs in a 'matter of fact' manner.

    The captains lead the team out to the rink to do laps and you weigh Yuna's words in your mind as you skate across the ice. Naturally, being here where you are the most comfortable with yourself makes you more susceptible to her convincing ploy. If you look carefully at the last few days in review, you have already made four new friends from just letting Yuna take the reins for one afternoon. That's about one friend for every dollar in your bank account!

But the nagging reality is that Yuna has a massive amount of friends, cool friends, who are probably going to be at the party while you have nobody but her and a guy you just met. This doesn't sit well with your anxieties and you imagine you'll just end up awkward if Yuna wants to talk to someone else, or desperate if you cling to Mark.

    As expected, it's best to stay in.

    The practice runs smoothly. As always, the hour and a half of spinning, falling, and getting back up resulted in soreness and loss of breath. Nonetheless, it recharged you and the cloud of exhaustion in your head finally dissipates into the cold air surrounding you. You feel so free on the ice because you know that you do it well. It isn't about the money or your popularity or if you have to work part time just to afford the skates that you wear. If you put in the hard work and effort, you are rewarded with success; that's a big part of what you like about it.

    "Excellent job today, ladies. I'd like everyone to give a special round of applause to y/n today," Coach Tanya suddenly singles you out as the team gathers around to hear her ending announcements. Tanya offers you a warm smile as you bow to your clapping teammates. "For mastering the triple lutz. I can tell you've been practicing extra hours, both from the log sheet and from your performance today. At this rate, we may send you to nationals in the spring".

    Gasps echo across the cold, near-empty stadium. Your jaw hinges agape at Tanya's ambitious plan and Yuna tugs at your arm excitedly, giving you a nudge of congratulations. It is extremely rare for a sophomore to be sent to the national competitions. Even some seniors never make it past the pre-auditions at Seoul University alone. You weren't even dreaming of going within the next year despite all of your extra night-time practices. This could mean so much for your skating career.

    "Thank you, Coach Tanya. I will work even harder".

    "That being said, I have some exciting news pertaining to all of you ladies: this year, Seoul University is sponsoring our team to hold a friendly competition for the winter festival as a sort of 'main event'. Don't be alarmed because it is indeed optional. It's September now, so if you are interested in participating, you will have just under four months to prepare a pair skate for the festival in December. Untraditionally, the audience will be voting to choose a winner instead of a panel. Furthermore, the theme, costumes, and music will all be up to you, so have fun with it! Oh and not to mention, the winning pair will be rewarded a monetary prize of $5,000 each".

    Shocked looks are exchanged between teammates. Your brain is still lagging from the previous news about nationals and you can practically see the error 404 written across your forehead as Tanya drops this new information. Looking across her astonished team, she reiterates.

    "Yes," Tanya laughs, "you heard me right, girls, $5,000 each. It's a tremendous opportunity and if not for the money, for a chance to practice performing in front of a crowd".

    Murmurs of excitement hush across the near-empty stadium.

    "Yuna," you look up to the taller girl and grip her arm with both hands, "Yuna please we gotta do this". You shake her slightly with your pleading, "be my partner?".

    The blonde giggles, "duh, of course! Lisa and Hope will probably do it together since they're both on JV so it's perfect. Let's get that ten grand for you!".

    "Wait... no, but-"

    "Y/n. You know I'm not about to argue with you about this," Yuna sighs, looking up to the fluorescent stadium lights to avoid your indignant stare. You relax your grip on her arm, knowing that you wouldn't win this fight no matter how guilty you feel. "You're better than me by a long shot. If anyone could bet on a winner, they'd put their money on you without a doubt. So, obviously, if we win it'll be because of you. Think of it as a fair split based on contribution. I'll take a $20 cut to buy us dinner," Yuna encourages.

    You close your eyes and rest the side of your head on her shoulder.

    That's my best friend. I don't deserve her.

    You do feel bad, but you also know that you need this money more than anything right now. Your parents don't earn much and they're already burdened by this semester's tuition, even with the scholarships. Picking up extra shifts at Frankie's does little more than cover skating fees and rent. Forget going to nationals; the heavy, looming fear of next semester being the one when you'd have to drop out often keeps you up at night. It's nobody's fault, but that's how it is.

    Yet like a miracle angel sent from Heaven, this competition could cover an entire semester's worth of tuition if you win. You need the prize money desperately. You're going to have to win it no matter what.