The BAU Badass

Chapter 25

Your kiss only lasts a couple seconds before you quickly back away, releasing his lips from yours. He opens his eyes and stares into yours, your faces only inches away from each other.

He was your coworker. He was your best friend. This can't happen, even if you wanted it to. Your friendship means too much. Your work means too much.

What if you date, then break up, then one of you has to quit? What if he hurts you and breaks your heart? What if you break his heart? What if he doesn't even like you and he just kissed you because.... wait, why did he even kiss you? What does this mean? Is he trying to one up Morgan or something? That's ridiculous, but you can't help but wonder. Your thoughts wouldn't stop racing and Reid noticed.

Spencer could tell you were stunned and overthinking by the look on your face. A couple seconds after your lips parted, he broke the silence and backed away from your face. "I-I'm sorry, you just....... I– I'll help you clean up, then go" he frowned and left to find a broom without giving you a chance to respond.

You didn't know what to say. You wanted to tell him that it's okay and he shouldn't be sorry. You wanted to pull him in closer for another kiss, but you also had to think about work and your friendship. You were still hurting and didn't know if you just wanted affection from someone, just wanted to ignore all your problems, just wanted to let your anger out, or if you genuinely had feelings for him. It wouldn't be fair to him if what you're feeling was just because you were hurting right now.

He came back with a broom and began sweeping while you continued to think and stood in shock the same place he left you. He was beginning to clean up the glass as you both stood in silence.

You were the first to speak, "Spence I... I–"

"–No, Jo. It's okay, I shouldn't have done that. You're vulnerable and weak right now and I shouldn't have taken advantage of that... I'm sorry," he interrupted you but avoided eye contact.

You suddenly felt angered. First, he kisses you then doesn't give you a chance to respond, and then he calls you weak and vulnerable?? You may have been vulnerable in that moment but you weren't weak. That's exactly what you didn't want people to think of you. It's exactly what you purposely never let anybody see in you because you worked your ass off to get here and become a profiler, you didn't want to be weak. Why does he think you're weak? Trauma doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger. It took you a long time to realize it, but you're glad you did. You shouldn't have been offended by what he said because he was just trying to apologize, but you were.

Your body tensed and your tone changed to a hostile one at his words, "Um, thank you for being here tonight Spencer, but I'm fine, really." You walked towards the door and held it open for him, making it clear that you wanted him to leave.

He noticed your change in tone as well as the fact that you called him Spencer and not Spence, so he stopped sweeping and glared at you.

"Oh, uh... Sorry, again. I'll go." He frowned and set the broom down. He walked towards the door shyly, still avoiding eye contact.

You didn't want to leave on a bad note even though you were somewhat upset with him. He was there for you tonight and that's still something you're really thankful for, "Spence, don't be sorry. I'm grateful that you were here tonight. Just, please don't tell anybody what I did tonight. It's embarrassing and just makes me look weak, as you said," you scoffed at that part and emphasized it before you continued, "which I'm not, by the way. I was just having a bad day."

A look of realization struck his face when you emphasized the word weak, "Jo, um, I didn't mean it in that way. I didn't mean that you're weak. You're not. You're the strongest woman I know. I just meant that I didn't want to take advantage of you. You may not be thinking clearly right now and it was wrong of me to kiss you. I'm sorry," His gaze finally met yours with those last two words. He stood in front of your door facing you. You could see worry in his eyes, he really cared about you. You gave a forgiving smile while you were busy with your thoughts.

You still weren't sure how you felt. You knew you liked the kiss, but you didn't want to complicate things. You loved him, you really did. But were you in love with him? He was Dr. Spencer Reid, the man who you first noticed at the BAU, the guy who blushes every time you call him Doctor or genius, the silly nerd who you watch movies with and throw popcorn at, the profiler who you save lives with, the friend who always checks up on you and knows you're not okay even when you try and convince him you are. He was the only Spencer Reid in the world, and you didn't want to risk losing him.

You notice him standing nervously, waiting for a reaction from you. 

"Spence?" you ask, desperate for a genuine answer as you approach him where he stood, "why did you kiss me?" 

You were only a few inches from each other now, you looked into his eyes waiting for a response. You saw your own reflection in his eyes. You saw his dilated pupils as he stared into your own eyes.  

His gaze moved from your eyes down to the floor, but only for a moment before it landed back on you. He paused for a moment and cleared his throat, preparing himself to say the six words that he could never take back, the six words he's been wanting to say for so long, the six words that will change your life, "Because I'm in love with you" 

a/n: AHHHH IM SO NERVOUS ABOUT THIS CHAPTER ANY THOUGHTS????