I think I'm falling for you - Katie McGrath

Deflection or anger?

Charlottes PoV:

Guilt was tugging at my heart. My chest was burning, as if it were alight. My breath was hollow and I felt absent. A part of me was missing. Katie. Katie was missing.

We were both sat in Katie's car, driving in a tense silence. Neither of us could talk to each other. I couldn't complain, I'd more or less just broken up with her when I assured her I never would.

Katie turned off the engine as she pulled into her designated spot. I was desperate to escape the confined space but my phone alerted with a text message.

K: *contact shared: Andrea Brooks*

I looked up at her, fighting the part of my heart that begged me not to.

"Is this...?" I asked and she nodded her head before exiting the vehicle without a second glance.

I followed her and entered the building, trying to ignore the stares from all my coworkers.

Katie seemed to strut down the corridor with no care for anyone's opinions meanwhile I was timid and practically ran to my office.

"There you are Charlotte, we haven't seen you in days." Vivienne greeted and I smiled.

"Hey Vivienne, yes i'm sorry about that, Katie and I.... well she took me to Cornwall for a few days." I smiled and sat in my swivelling chair, spinning the negative thoughts from my head.

"I know darling, I may be old but I do read the news." She laughed softly and I nodded with a sigh.

"So everybody knows?" I looked up at the elder woman and she nodded.

"I'm afraid so. I assume you didn't want anybody knowing about you two?" I shook my head and she sighed with a frown.

"I'm sure you'll work through this. You two are perfect together and it's not something either of you would be happy to throw away." Vivienne stood up and pulled her grey hair into a ponytail.

"There's not much to work through." I mumbled to myself, Vivienne spinning on her heel to face me.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Her eyebrow raised as she slew a dress over her shoulder.

"I kind of.... called stuff off with her." My voice trailed off.

"You what? You ended a relationship with an Irish actress who's starred along the likes of Greys Anatomy's Chyler Leigh, Marvel's Chris Pratt and Bond's Sir Roger Moore. You ended that relationship, for what? Some press? You knew you'd get found out eventually so why make a huge song and dance about it and not just stick by her side?!" Vivienne was shouting by the end of this rant as I sank back in shame.

"Do you have an answer or not?" She edged closer to me and I slid down the wall.

"My mother. I don't want her finding out, she'd kill me." Tears escaped my eyes for the second time today.

"But she'd find out eventually anyway." Vivienne sat next to me and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Are you mad at Katie, or are you scared of your mother?" Her question was wise and I turned to look at her.

"I'm not mad at Katie, I never was, I'm mad that she didn't control her 'friend'." I did the action with my hands to show inverted commas.

"Her friend has their own actions, Katie can't control them, she can influence them but she's not responsible for their actions." Vivienne explained and I just pulled my knees to my chest.

I had a habit of making myself as physically small as possible when I was feeling vulnerable and this was one of those moments.

"I just don't want to face my mother, this could have been avoided." I mumbled, my voice muffled by the fact my head was between my knees.

"This could have been prolonged but never avoided because you wouldn't want to keep this a secret forever, that's not a relationship, you just weren't prepared yet." I nodded, the tears stinging down my cheeks.

"I wanted it to be my decision, not the paparazzi and the news." My voice faltered with sadness mixed with anxiety.

"And why are you taking this out on Katie?" She asked, clearly not understanding what was running through my head.

"Because it was her friend who told everyone." I stated and she visible rolled her eyes at me.

"So if it was a total stranger you wouldn't care?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"I mean, I would." I knew I was being set up for a fall but I didn't want to lie.

"So you're mad at Katie because it was her friend but you'd have been mad at Katie if it was a total stranger too?" She confirmed and I brought my eyes to meet hers.

"I guess.... I don't think I am mad at Katie, i'm angry at that 'friend' of hers and I'm deflecting it onto her." The realisation dawned on me mid sentence and I sighed, throwing my head back in defeat.

"And that's what I tried to say when you walked in." She sighed triumphantly before stumbling to her feet.

"Yeah yeah, you're right. What do I do then? I don't think I'm ready to tell Katie all of this because I've just hurt her." I brought myself shakily to my feet.

"What was the last thing she said to you Charlotte?" I cast my mind back to when I grabbed the banana and granola bar.

"I'll be here. Until you love me. I'll be here." I recited and she hit me lightly on the cheek.

"You didn't hurt her. She's waiting, that means she's not hurt, she's patient and she loves you." Vivienne assured and I starting preoccupying my brain with a sewing machine.

I pulled together some garments and stitched them together, my creativity thrived when my mind was swamped so I was going to make the most of this.

"Talk to her Charlotte." I looked up at Vivienne and nodded.

"I will.... at some point." I assured and she left the room.

Picking up my phone and opening our text chain, I saw the shared contact.

I added it to a profile and sent the number a text.

C: Hi, I'm sure Katie has talked about me, but I'm Charlotte. I've heard a lot about you.

I calculated the time difference and concluded that it was 3am. She'd reply when she woke up, I hoped.