Lightyears away

Silent

'The reason why we can't let go of someone is because deep inside we still have hope'

As I sit in this uncomfortable blue chair in Miss. Simon's office  thinking about what she said to me. We had been sitting here for a good 20 minutes but I was really only just started to process what she had said. Before now I was just sat down, my face closed off as I presented myself as calm but inside my mind I was just numb, and for the first time I was properly scared. I was terrified of the independence I've worked so hard to maintain being ripped away from me, The one thing I've had through everything and that I've busted my ass for. As she rages through the phone about something I no longer care about I pluck up the courage to replay what she said. She'd done a check on her, Marissa Vault. I wonder where she is now, probably with a rich seventy year old on a yatch. As I drew out of my thoughts for a second I realised I was rubbing the scar that went in a jagged line around my ear. It started at the top area of my ear and ended just below the lobe. I always fond myself stroking the scar when I thought of her, after all she is the one that gave it to me. And Frank. Dead Granddaughter? I was so confused. Did he know his granddaughter was dead? If so why was he looking for her? How did she die?  My head was spinning with questions about Frank. I was always a bit fuzzy on his story but the one thing that had always been consistent since the first time he opened up to me was that he was looking for his granddaughter. 

It was dark. I had hoped I would have gotten used to these streets by now but I hadn't. I yearned to go through the short cut, I could be home so much quicker, but I knew if I did I'd have to face the shitty part of my past and how can you face something you don't even want to acknowledge? 

 Number 1 mulberry lane. That was the street I lived on for eight years. I don't really remember much about where I lived before except for the fact it was never stable, we moved around as often as she got fired from jobs. She and Jace moved just after they got married from what I  remember. It was still on the worse side of this generally bad town  but just on the cusp meaning it wasn't quite on the good side of this crappy  town but it wasn't really on the bad side of the town either. So basically you could get robbed in this area but not quite killed. It was sill safe to walk through up until 9 pm. It was on a quiet street full of young hopefuls. It was one of the biggest houses on the street and I remember being so proud of it. When we first moved in I discovered I had my own bedroom that my three year old self  forced Jace to paint it a duck yellow that my ten year old self wouldn't hesitate to kick . It was by no means luxurious but it was cosy and warm and ours. Jace had done a lot of handy work around the house and the whole house reminded me of him and the time I was happy, and as much as I'm a cynic I still let myself believe that if  I so choose to walk past the house I once called home he would come out of hiding from the wilting bushes like he did when I was younger and spin me around laghing and reassuring me it was just a joke. I obviously know that's not going to happen, Jace is dead, but I can't bring myself to ruin the hope that if I did walk past the house I'd see him. So instead of passing that house and ruining my dreams I walked the longer route down the dark side streets hoping to get home without being killed.

 I had moved a couple months after she left me, we were barely keeping the house as it was. We were months behind rent and when she left I simply couldn't keep the house. So I used my thirty day eviction notice to look for a house. In this side of town the further you go down the more illegal it gets so for an eleven year old to rent a house you had to go pretty far down, especially to get it at a price that fits my budget. The only reason I had any mone money is because of my savings. I saved up every spare  dollar that didn't go into household bills saving up for  the trip to Jace's grave. It was around a five hour train ride to where the grave was located. I started doing this a year back. I would save up then go visit him on his birthday. I'd travel five hours n the train then go get spaghetti a couple streets down from the cemetery at a café and I go sit by his grave. I leave early early like 5 am and it is like an hour walk to the cemetery but 45 if you know where you are going. The train departs at seven so I have around seven hours with him. You'd think after about half an hour you'd get board of staring at a concrete slab but I didn't. It was the only day of the year I let my guard down and  let everything out to the only person who ever made me feel safe and loved. Anyway so I used the money I had saved to buy the train ticket for a deposit on the shit hole that you could hardly refer to as a house. I was devastated when I realised I wouldn't get to see him I really needed Jace this year but I would just have to wait till next year. I have been living in his house for 4 months now and it looks so much more promising than it is. I hate it. I longed for the four duck yellow walls instead of the dead grey. And the cosy living room with two legs missing from the couch instead of this one I'd hauled home from the side of the street. I get to my door and fumble with my keys. I was just about to grasp them from the bottom of my bag when I heard what sounded like a cough. Fvck. I was scared, and the logical thing to do is ignore it and go inside but of course I live in a real life horror movie and went to investigate. I held my trusty torch closer to me as I made my way to the back of the house  where I heard the noise. I was just about to turn the corner when I heard the noise again, fuck I was scared. I had one hand clutching my torch for dear life and the other curled up in a fist just in case. My torch rounded the corner before I did and as I did I heard a scream and couldn't help but scream too. "Oh be quite girl " someone had said through all the (mostly my) screaming. I cautiously lower the torch to observe who this was. It was what appeared to be a man in an orange sleeping bad with a back pack beside him. He had on a hat  and a long, wispy beard. "What are you doing here?" I asked, my arms crossed defensively around me as I  look at him blankly, if he thought he could mess with me because I was small he was wrong. "Well yer no Phillis"  he said amusedly. Huh? What the hell was he talking about.? My blank face slipped into one of confusion which he must have caught on to. "Phillis used to live 'ere ,he musta moved 'e used to let me sleep out 'ere" I nodded shivering a bit in the cold. I wanted to turn around and leave him. I'd had a shitty day but I knew I couldn't, I couldn't just leave him in the cold so I invited him in.