Lightyears away

Old 'friends'

'just because I carry it all so well doesn't mean it's not heavy'

Athena:

It was pitch black. It was the time of evening where it was just dark enough to get a torch out but not yet dark enough for the stars to appear. I had a hand powered torch stuffed in my pocket at all times, it's a god practice: you'll never know when you'll need it. I started the annoying up and down hand movement you had to do to generate light. It buzzed gently, it was really the only sound I cold here, aside from the far off car honking. Everyone who lived here were either long in their houses, with the doors locked, or just leaving. I had to be careful on my walk back from work, you never know what you might find. I didn't exactly live in the safest neighbourhood around, it was the place gangs were formed and drug were dealed. It's not so scary with a group of people, I would know, but tonight I was alone. And vulnerable. I still had a ten minute walk ahead of me so I decided to pick up the pace a bit, trying to blend into the surroundings and making a conscious effort for me to be quiet, because in my experience be invincible or be kidnapped. I lived on the bad side of the bad estate, if that doesn't speak for how poor my living situation nothing will but I suppose I shouldn't be complaining. I'm lucky to even have somewhere to live even if it is falling apart because I know plenty who cannot scrape enough together to even get one of these apartments. I didn't always live on the really crappy side. I've lived in this estate my whole life but before everything fell apart completely I used to live on the outskirts of the estates, where the houses were nicer and safer but like many things that was taken away from me. The houses is the only reason I can't take the shortcut that wold get me home in like 7 minutes instead of 15, I haven't faced that house since the day I was forced out and I cant bring myself to see it again. So perhaps I risk my life everyday for my pride or emotions but at the end of the day whatever happens I suffer the consequences for my actions and get blamed for what I do,  no one else. I like it like that.

I reached my door fumbling with the keys that were in my backpack. My hands were stiff and numb from the cold and I couldn't quite get it in the keyhole. "Want some help darlin'" I heard behind me, I spun around, grasping my hands into weak little fists I planned to use to defend myself if this person didn't know what the word no means, many round here don't. Turning around and my stance relaxed  as I realised who it was. "Frank!" I cried out closing the meter of space we had between us engulfing him in a hug, his armed wrapped around my body as he chuckled a bit at my eagerness. I practically squeezed the life out f him before I looked back up at him. "I missed you" I said pathetically with nothing more to say after my friend I hadn't seen in 6 months was at my door, maybe friend was a but strong. "Hey doll, I missed you too" He said with a kind smile that made the corner of his eyes crinkle. I realised we were just standing outside in the blistering cold looking at each other, "oh right, come in" I said, picking up my bag and successfully slipping the battered key through the equally rusty key whole that opened to a cramped, bleak hallway-it was home.

 We were both in the tiny kitchen that doubled as a dining room, with Frank sat at the small rickety wooden table set and I was rustling around the kitchen to boil water to attempt to make some hot coffee. "So," I said striking up conversation again "Any lucuk? Did you find any trace of Lucy?" I asked. I knew the answer I wold get  but I asked again in vain hope that it would have been a successful trip. My answer came in a solemn headshake from Frank with his head down. "Nah, she's not in Seattle, I think I'm going to try Chicago next" he said and I saw the glint in his eye that never seemed to dullen wen talking about finding his estranged granddaughter. As long as I've known Frank he's been fixated on finding his granddaughter. Franks story is quite fuzzy to me but one thing that's clear as day is the love he had for his granddaughter. I envied her. She had someone who loved her unconditionally, someone who would sacrifice everything  for them, I wondered what that was like. I mentally slapped myself, this line of thinking was just another rabbit ole of useless thoughts and wishes that would never be, I just had to focus on today. I nodded my head, my back still turned, I  worry he's doing to much, he was 63 and was trying to visit every state in the US to find 'his Lucy'. I didn't have the heart to remind him that she cold be anywhere in the world. When I first met him I had tried my best to discourage him from doing this because from what I could see it was pretty pointless, but in the 6 years I've known him he's never given up hope and who am I to tell him to stop believing. If I had something like that to focus on and give me purpose I would cling on to it with my life, and I guess that's what Frank's doing with his futile attempts at finding his granddaughter. The only thing I could do is have the sofa open for him to crash on when he needed a couple weeks break from his travels before he set off again. I nodded on to his idea watching the water boil. "Anywhere you plan to start in Chicago" I asked out of intent to keep the conversation going to avoid the awkward silence that often found us. He nodded but didn't bother to elaborate. That's something I've noticed about Frank throughout the years: though the spark in his eyes have never dullened his body has. I mean he wasn't exactly healthy when I met him but now he was even weaker and I always worry he won't  return from his next trip, but I think Frank would be more at peace knowing that he died doing his best then have died lying on the couch, I can understand that. "So enough about me what about you? eh? How's school still?" I smiled at his question, these type of things allow me to feel a bit of normalcy in my fvcked u life. "Yeah school is good" I said with my back to him as I poured the coffee granules into the pan . School was not good school was just school, whenever I went anyway.  I don't care nearly as much about school as I did a couple years ago, everything's changed since the. I learned naivety and vulnerability only get you a broken heart, nothing else.