Lightyears away

Late night thoughts and dinner talks

'one day you'll thank yourself for never giving up'

I didn't make it downstairs. After my encounter with, I literally know not one of these peoples names. We have manhandler, scary dude, scary girl, and unconfirmed twin. And the rest can just be thing 1, 2 e.t.c, well at least until I learn their names ,which, at the rate it's going, could be a while. Anyway after my encounter with unconfirmed twin I just went back into the room. I had went from being bored enough to actually face other people to my head spinning a mile a minute. I had a twin. Well, it wasn't confirmed but it would be even more of a surprised if we weren't. We look exactly the same, apart from a couple things. To start he was way taller than  me and a lot more muscly, my skimpy arms could never. Though I wasn't particularly short standing at a proud 5'6 he was probably around 6 foot making me feel like an ant. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. I wasn't about to say I felt like I had a part of me missing all my life and I never knew what it was until now because that would be bullshit. But it was certainly odd to know there was a kind of other part of me out there I had no clue about, kinda freaky really. So after I consumed this information I found myself staring at the wall of the room doing nothing and letting my head spin. I knew I would have to go downstairs eventually but I figured I could still put it off until tomorrow. Better yet they might forget about me and leave me here to rot. Forever an optimistic. As nice as this room was if you were in any room long enough you'd start to feel like a prisoner and right now I feel a slave to these white walls. No one had come to get me yet so maybe this was my punishment? To get me to fess up about the airport situation. Scary dude had said he'd 'find out'. Didn't think he'd take it that seriously though. This is some Hannibal Lecter treatment. I could sue. This was a prime example of me overthinking. I mean it wasn't as if I was trapped in this room, I freely went out, but then again that was just the hallway and no one but unconfirmed twin saw me. So who knew.  I thought about this morning. When I saw who I assumed to be my family. It was the only conclusion I could come to with the familiar features they had on their face that reflected my own. We all had a variation of green eyes with mine and supposed twin being the deepest green. We all had dark hair. We all had similar facial structures. But despite us all looking similar I knew we weren't by just looking at them. It was clear from the way they dressed they were rich. The house they called their home offered a window into their privileged life. It reminded me that although we shared DNA we will never be the same. And I'm not trying to throw a pity party for myself, highlighting just my own struggles, I'm sure they've been through shit, but whilst they've gone shit they've had people there, a roof over there head and some damn central heating. Just by looking at them I could tell I'd never be one of them. Because even though we look the same they still look better. They had a healthy glow to their skin, they had a glint in their eyes, they looked relaxed, calm and safe. I knew I didn't look like that. The difference between us would be obvious to strangers. And I wasn't going to sit here and give myself false hopes for a family that wouldn't work out, I wasn't blind. Soon enough they'll get tired of me and send me off packing. But keeping to myself allowed me to keep control of the situation which sounds a lot more appealing than giving these strangers a chance. 

 I wasn't naturally a background character. When I was younger I was pretty outgoing . I was always scolded for having a big mouth. I had friends, Did after school activities, and went to clubs. I was quite a prestigious seven year old really. Of course when Jace got cancer my confidence took a crash, along with everything else. But even then I had friends, I still wasn't  a no one in an empty room like I am now I just didn't do as much but I was still someone. But when she started doing things, I was ashamed. People would gossip. I'd get stares. And soon enough I learned that my place was in the shadows, next to low-lives and thieves. A couple years after Jace died I truly realised how deep I had sunk and it was a slap in the face, though it shouldn't have been. She told me again and again what I was worth. Nothing. I should've listened from the get go. So I slowly became detached from the little I was still attached to. I was now just a stranger in the hallway, the girl who you knew but didn't.  I learned how to move quickly and quietly, it was essential to blend in. It was my personal mission to be in and out of human contact as fast as possible. Usually I could sink into the back round quite easily really. I had no special facial features or anything that made me stand out remotely. It had become like a natural reflex to find the back of the crowd. My refusal to make any more human contact  than necessary left me to with myself for majority of my days. So it's safe to say I could survive on my own, I'd been doing it for years, so people telling me what to do never quite flew well with me. Hence my attempted escape. I wasn't particularly domestic and by the look of it they were. The picture perfect family. So me leaving would be doing us both a favour, they just didn't realise it yet. But I'd have to put my escape plan off for a little while seeing as my windows were now locked and I doubt lock picking ability. So until I had the opportunity to leave I would have to stick it out, as long as I kept to myself and didn't get emotionally involved in the slightest it should be pretty easy.