July | c.c & s.m

33.

Trigger warning.

Camila

Once we were done with putting the groceries in the cart we made our way to the checkout. Shawn made sure to ask for my opinion on some things and I actually put some chocolate in too, since it was the only thing I bought back in London... "Okay so just... stay behind me but no one should be here, no one even knows we're here." Shawn said, pushing the cart while I walked closely behind him, nodding. The checkout was pretty empty but we still made sure to be quick. When it was time to pay, I felt bad that he was going to do it again so I pulled out my credit cars which I was also hiding in the back of my phone... for now. I hadn't used it in a while since.... Matthew had been hiding it from me and... using it without me knowing. But I recently checked trough my phone and I still have enough balance on it. So I pulled it out of my phone case and hold it towards him. "No Mila, this is on me." He smiled but I didn't resist. "Mila... stop." "Please...." I whispered, even tough I was aware of the fact that people might hear me but it was so quiet that I don't think anyone noticed. "Stop. I'll pay." I know he didn't mean to sound... rude? But I got scared and quickly put the card back, waiting for him to get ready. It somehow startled me... his tone of voice... made me stay quiet.

"The prescription?" The pharmacist asked me. Shawn nodded and put it on her desk. She read it and walked back to get my prenatal vitamins. It was quiet between Shawn and me... uncomfortable. It hasn't been uncomfortable between us for a long time but somehow... what happened at the check out earlier... made me take 10 steps back again, causing me to not wanting to speak at all, even tough I know he didn't mean it in a bad way at all. My mind is just... playing games with me.

"Here they are." The pharmacist said smiling, placing them in front of me, making us both look at her with a small smile. "thanks" Shawn smiled and... payed again. It immediately made me feel bad again... and my small smile fell again. I was now just waiting to finally get out... back home so I could let my emotions get the best of me. "Come." Shawn said, picking up the grocery bags and leading me outside so we could walk back to the car. I nodded and followed him through the slowly filling mall. Just when we were about to leave the mall, Shawn stopped me abruptly. "Shit." He hissed, grabbing my wrist and pushing me around the corner. Unfortunately he grabbed the writs where I had... cut myself, making me hiss in pain. Shawn didn't notice though and let go before turning to look around the corner again. "Mila... we're in trouble." I didn't know what was going on. Since I was looking behind him I hadn't even got a look outside. "Mila... there were paparazzis...."Shawn said calmly, not wanting to make me anxious. After realizing what he had just said, I started shaking my head. No...no... this cant be happening right now.... oh my god.... Tears immediately sprung out of my eyes, blurring my view. "Mila, no... please.... dont exhaust yourself... I promise we'll get out of here safe." Shawn said, gently placing both his hands on my shoulders trying to calm me. Paparazzis means that.... photos will get out... I dont have another place to move to.... I dont know what I would do if he finds me.... "Mila, listen... We'll go through the garage, you just wait there and I'll get the car... I- we- We'll figure this out... just please dont panic...I need you to stay calm... please..." He was just as worried as me but trying to stay calm for me... so, for him I tried to calm myself down and nodded. "Okay so... let me lead you downstairs to the garage so I can get the car." He calmly said, taking the bags again and calling the elevator which we were luckily standing in front of. We waited a few seconds before the doors opened and we entered the empty elevator, going into the garage. "Alright Mila... come and stay... maybe... right here. I'll rush upstairs quickly... dont worry please..." He said, leading me to some hidden spot, placing the bags down with me and running upstairs to get the car.

Saying I was anxious was an understatement...I was a nervous wreck.... I was on the verge of crying but was trying to keep it together for the moment. I patted the spot under my eyes to make sure I had no tears there. I was giddy... my foot tapping on the ground nervously, hoping the Shawn would hurry. Please come.... Shawn... hurry..... I really tried not... harming myself but like in autopilot my hand gripped my wrist, digging my nails into it. I also started biting my lip but quickly stopped when I heard a car approaching. At first I though it was a random person which made me hide even more in the corner but when I saw the black car Shawn and I had arrived in, I let out a relieved sight. He parked the car right in front of me. "Come, let me help you...." He quickly got out of the car, rushed around the car and opening the door for me. "Get in Mila, I'll carry the bags in." His voice was... different than earlier... nervous... but I just dropped it because it was probably just the stressful situation. I sat down, putting my seatbelt on and let my hand grip my wrist once again, digging painful holes into it. Not that I dint already have some cuts there but anyways... it was the current pain that was counting to me... or better, my mind. After a few minutes though, he rushed back inside but didn't start the car immediately. "Mila, I'm so sorry... I don't know how they found us..." I dont understand why he is apologizing... it isn't his fault. So I just shook my head, not wanting to talk again since earlier. I could feel his stare on me but didn't dare to look back at him. I heard him sigh... probably in disappointment or whatever before he started the car and driving out of the garage. He was careful when driving out but he unfortunately couldn't avoid everyone... so we ended up driving through the mass of paparazzis... I don't know how they were able to know that it was us in the car but when I saw the first flashes I quickly put my hands in front of my face, Shawn shielded his face with one arm while trying to speed out of the parking lot and onto the street. He tried to take some detours so people wouldn't find us so it took as a lot longer than usually to get back to my house. So the drive was long and... quiet. When we arrived I couldn't even feel my wrist anymore. Shawn got out of the car first so I took that moment to look down at my left wrist and gasped quietly at seeing how it looked. It was irritated, red and had some blood traces... I pulled all the sleeves back down and in the same moment Shawn opened my car door, making me flinch. "Sorry Mila... I didn't mean to scare you..." He said guilty. I nodded, took off the seatbelt and made my way to the back of the car to take all the grocery bags inside. "What are you doing Mila" Shawn asked confused when I took the two bags and started walking. "Stop Mila... are you crazy? Why would you have to carry such heavy bags? And on top of that you are pregnant and pretty... weak... Set them down, of course it's my task." He explained, taking them from me and waiting for me to pass him and walk inside. I unlocked the door and held the door open for Shawn who walked in after me and set the bags down in the kitchen. "You can go and relax if you want. I'll put the stuff in later, I'm just going to talk to the securities and tell them about... earlier..." He said. I nodded, knowing that he would be telling them about the paparazzis probably following us. He left through the front door, closing it behind him and left me standing in the living room. I know he said he would put the things away later but... it just felt wring after so many months of having to do it all alone. So I started taking the things out of the bags. Most of the thing were stuff I hadn't seen in months... so I didn't really know where to put them... I started to put away things I knew where to put and left the rest on the counter. Put them somewhere. You know what happens if you dont. I pressed my eyes together for a moment before finally deciding on putting the rest of the things just... somewhere. I know I put them away wrong but I just didn't know how to put in groceries... or... real food. Knowing that the possibilities of Shawn getting angry with me because of that were... there... I quickly rushed upstairs into my room, closing the door behind me. I was pretty exhausted.... my feet were hurting and so was my head.... but the worst pain was in my wrist... I took the time I was currently having alone to take off my jacket and my hoodie, leaving me in a shirt, showing my cut arms. How can I be a mom... looking like this? Defeated I let myself fall onto the bed, putting my hands in front of my face and crying into my hands. This was a point where I was thinking.... can I do this?

I heard the door close and quickly pulled the blanket over my body, fake sleeping. A few minutes later I also heard the bedroom door open and steps nearing the bed... Shawn sat down on the edge of the bed and obviously didn't know that I was awake.... "I am so, so sorry Mila... I swore to protect you and I might be failing again.... I am so sorry...." I heard him whisper. I then felt him press a light kiss to the top of my head and in that moment I just wanted to cry. But I held it in and kept fake sleeping until I felt Shawn get in bed behind me, like he usually did these last days. As soon as I felt him lightly hold me, I fell into a real sleep.

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This chapter is kinda long, right?

Oh, and.... what is happening next?