July | c.c & s.m

10.

(I really like this song! Listen to it if you want ❥)

Camila

"Can I?" He asked after a few minutes, making me look back up at him. I nodded and he gently and lightly grabbed my small hand in both his hands. I didn't pull away this time, letting him give me a bit of comfort. "I missed you..." He whispered. "I wondered where you had been... I tried calling you so many fucking times... I don't even know where you live..." He continued. "London." I said quietly. "London?!" He said loudly suddenly, making me flinch once again and pulling my hand away. "I'm sorry... sorry... I didn't mean to scream... sorry Mila... I'm sorry...." He apologized thousands of times. "It's... it's okay, it's my fault." I quickly said. "It's not... your fault Mila..." He said calmer. "But... London? Why London? I didn't know you were out of the country.... continent." He said in disbelief. I stayed quiet. "How have things been out there... with him?" I just chuckled at the question. "I-I mean... you saw it, right?" I answered. "I don't mean it like that... more like... what... what does he do... how is everything going? What is happening there..." My heart started beating really fast at the question. I could never tell him what is going on... he would try to get me or try to keep me here and Matthew would immediately know what had been going on during my 'Studio sessions'. "I- I cant.... I don't... I don't know..." I shrugged quietly. I felt him nod. "Thats.... thats alright... just- just know that I am here for you... whenever you're ready to talk to me... whenever you need me." "Thanks." I said in a shaky voice. It was quiet for a few more minutes until he finally spoke again. "Have you eaten?" he asked. I only shook my head. I hadn't because party I was so used to not being allowed to but also because I hadn't had any appetite. "Alright, what do you want to eat?" He asked, pulling out his phone and giving it to me. He had a delivering food page open and I scrolled through the menus, not really knowing what to choose since I never chose my own food. I looked up at him shrugging. "Don't know what to choose?" he asked. I shook my head, giving him back his phone. He took it and scrolled through it himself. "Hat about this? Isn't this your favorite? After bananas of course " He said, smiling slightly, after a few minutes, showing me the menu on the screen. Bananas.... when was the last time I ate them? Or my favorite food... burger? I looked at the screen and there was indeed a burger... It looked delicious but... way too big for me. "It looks really good... but... I think I won't be able to eat all of this." I mumbled. "What do you mean? You easily ate this." he asked confused. I nodded unsure of what to say. "You want a small portion maybe?" He asked, sensing my discomfort. I nodded again. "Alright, a small portion it is... and drink? Cok-" "Water please.." I said again. "Okay.." He clicked on it and the chose his own menu before clicking on 'Order & deliver'. "Alright, about 20 minutes." He said, putting his phone back in his pocket. "Want to show me some of your music? I'm sure you have a few songs, right?" "I- I have..." I grabbed my booklet and opened one of the first pages, the song title ' Inside out' scribbled on the top of the page. I gave it to him so he could read it. He took it and read through it, smiling slightly. "Who is it about?" He asked when he handed me my book back. "No one in.... in particular..." I said, since it was now obvious that it wasn't about Matthew. I saw him nod, waiting for me to say something. "You are really quiet Mila... Matthew... what... what is he doing to you... for you to be so quiet?" He finally asked. I knew he would want to know that. I shrugged. I was not ready to talk... but I also don't really know... why I got so quiet. Maybe because I was scared... am scared. "It's okay Mila. When you're ready." He then said when I didn't say anything again. I nodded slightly and sat back in the couch, Shawn doing the same as we waited for our food to arrive.

Someone knocked, making me flinch hard again. "Calm down Mila... it's probably the delivery guy, I'll check the door" He said softly after seeing me flinch. He got up from the couch, grabbed his wallet and walked to the door. I heard him talk for a little before thanking him, closing the door quietly and walking towards me. "Come, it smells... heavenly." He said, making me smile slightly. He placed the things down on the table and pulled out two chairs, for me and for him. "Thanks." I said as I sat down on one chair. "You're welcome Mila." He smiled, placing my food in front of me. I opened the paper box, exposing a small burger with some fires and a bottle of water which Shawn then placed on the table. He had the same food but in a bigger portion. "It looks good, doesn't it?" he asked, before sticking a fry in his mouth. "It does." I said, staring at the food. "You can eat Mila." He said serious, noticing how I was waiting for something to happen. I nodded, also eating a fry. But then I stopped again. Not because I wasn't hungry but because with Matthew I would always have to wait for him to tell me I could eat and wasn't allowed to finish before him. Also because usually a few bites were all I got from my food. "Mila... I don't know what Matthew does.... but I am not him, we are here alone. You can eat, eat all of that and if you want you can even eat some of my food." He said, a worried but also angry look on his face when he mentioned Matthew. I closed my eyes for a brief second and when I opened them again, I finally picked up the burger and slowly began to eat everything. And I really ate everything... for the first time in months. I felt full for the first time again and... pretty good. "Was it good?" I nodded, smiling slightly while picking up the trash and putting it away. "Wait, I'll do it." He stopped me. "No...no, I have- want to." I said, quickly correcting myself. I was used to it. "No Mila, I'll do it." He said, getting up and placing everything in the trashcan. "Thanks." I Sid quietly, as always. "Sure." He smiled, sitting back down next to me after doing back to the couch. We then finally started some stuff... he helped me on some lyrics and gave me his opinion and I talked a little more with him, actually having fun for the first time in a while.

---------

Mila is getting better, is she?