July | c.c & s.m

49.

Camila

I was allowed to leave tomorrow... but where to? I needed to tell Shawn that I wasn't feeling safe here in LA anymore... I dont even know what they did to Matthew...

These last two days have been hard.... I was in a lot of pain... I even got sick yesterday but have been recovering the whole day. Shawn didnt leave my side, making sure I was okay which I really wasn't.... I couldnt sleep... I would have nightmares so I stayed awake... and so did Shawn, soothing me and calming me. I sure as heck looked dead... but I couldnt do anything... my bump wasn't really growing which was worrying me... but the doctor assured me that it was only because I was very underweight. I also really tried to eat... I had been allowed since yesterday again... but I couldnt really swallow, so they made sure to give me small portions. Shawn booked a hotelroom.... a suit to be exact in a private hotel and we were staying there anonymously. Only the staff knew it and no one else had any information. We weren't even paying from our own bank accounts so no one could track it. Shawn told me that we would fly out to Canada to stay at his parents house next week and I was okay with it... I hope I feel a little safer then... I just dont know why we had to wait another week.

Currently it was evening again and I was having my last night here before moving to the private hotel. Shawn was getting dinner for himself while nurses had just brought my dinner.... it was a simple tomato soup which wasn't warm because I was not allowed to eat warm food just yet. It looked like quite a lot... I didnt start eating until Shawn entered the room with his own food.... he had some simple pasta with sauce and smiled at me, closing the door behind him. "Hey Mila, what do you have there?" He asked, taking of his shoes and sitting down in bed next to me. I had the tray of soup on my lap and Shawn put his own tray on his lap. "Are you hungry?" I shrugged... wasn't really hungry but I knew I needed to eat. "I can help you." He offered smiling. I nodded at that, knowing he would do it either way. He put his tray down and helped me sit up so I could eat. He gently took the small bowl and started feeding me the soup. Of course it was weird... needing to be fed... but I couldnt really do anything.

"Mila, please eat up" He tried desperately. But I couldnt. He was trying to feed me the last few bits of soup. I had been shaking my head for the last few minutes, not wanting to eat anymore. He then let out a sigh, putting the bowl down and picking up his own food. I felt bad for making him sad... He wasn't looking at me and I didnt want that. So I hesitantly grabbed his free hand, taking it in mine and squeezing it lightly, trying to say that I was sorry. At that he looked at me and immediately a small smile spread on his face, he understood. "Mila, its okay... you're recovering and getting better." He squeezed my hand as well, intertwining our fingers and not letting go as he continued eating. When he was done he got up to bring the things out so nurses cold put them away. "I'll be right back, okay?" I was scared of being alone... so I shook my head. He already had his shoes on and I was starting to get anxious so I shook my head harder, not wanting him to go and leave me alone. "Mila, I just need to go and bring the things out... it'll only be a minute..." He tried to reassure me. But I couldnt.... memories of last time he left, entering my mind.... how he left and called me.... how the call ended.... I opened the door... and then he came and took me.... I was too scared of it happening again... "Mila..." He put the trays down and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking my hand. "It'll be okay... calm down." He reached his hand up to wipe away the tears that started streaming down my face. "Hey... Mila please...." I tried holding back a sob but couldnt. He then pulled me into him, kissing my forehead and trying to calm me as he wrapped his arms around me. "I'm going to stay... A nurse can just get the stuff tomorrow..." He whispered. I nodded against his chest, happy he was staying and immediately getting more calm. He slipped off his shoes again and crawled under the blanket with me, helping me get comfortable. He really tried keeping me calms since I wasn't allowed to get stressed or anything... He wrapped his arms around my small body and I placed my head on his chest, like usually. It was quiet for a few minutes, the light already dimmed so we could hopefully sleep.

"I really like you, Mila..." He whispered into the dimmed room. I dont think he knew I was still awake. His hand was gently stroking my back, keeping me calm as he whispered into the room. "I want to be with you... and protect you." He whispered and that made me look up at him with a questioning look. "You're awake." He said surprised, his hand stilling on my back. He definitely didnt meant to tell me that... then why did he say it if he doesnt mean it? I was... disappointed? Yeah, a little...

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Oh Shawn...