July | c.c & s.m

11.

Camila

We spent the rest of my remaining time together, working a bit and doing some stuff, until the clock hit 4:30pm. "I better go now... Matthew is coming to pick you up, right?" "Yeah..." I said, standing up with him and walking with him to the door of the studio. "Will you be okay?" He asked before walking downstairs. "Yeah... I think." I mumbled the last part, not wanting to keep him stuck here with me. "Alright Mila. Tomorrow, same time, same place, right?" He asked to confirm. "Yeah." I smiled, kinda happy that he was willing to meet up with me tomorrow again. "Alright, can I hug you?" "Yeah, sure." He bend down a little and wrapped his arms lightly around me but unfortunately hitting right one of the slashes of the belt on my back. So I hissed out in pain. "You okay? I am sorry... w-what was that?" He asked, quickly pulling away. "N- Noting, I am sorry, I'll see you tomorrow." I said, the painful expression quickly vanishing from my face. He looked skeptical but noticed I wasn't ready so he nodded. "Alright Mila, see you tomorrow." He smiled slightly, before closing the door softly behind him, leaving me alone for the last half an hour. I sat back down on the couch, opening my booklet again ad reading through the lyrics I had been reading before Shawn came. I know its a lyrics I will probably never be releasing... but it feels good to write it down. I was so focused on the lyrics and writing some new down, that I didn't notice the time... when I did it unfortunately was 5:04 pm already. "Shit..." I said to myself, quickly packing up all my stuff, turning off the light and rushing downstairs. I searched for Matthews car and spotted him, right next to the entrance. I rushed to the car, opening the car door and sitting down. "You're late." "I'm sorry... I - I was finishing a s-" "Stop, it doesn't matter. You're late even though I said to be here at 5." He said now, clearly angry. "Sorry..." "Shut up. Don't talk until we get back home." And I closed my mouth, staring out the window while we drove back to the hotel.

He parked the car and we both went up to the room. I knew what would come now... the usual. As soon as the door closed behind me, Matthew cornered me in the bed room. "Do you think I don't know who was there with you today?" Did he find out? How? "Shawny... your little boy Shawny. So you're taking advantage of my trust here Camila?" He got closer and closer until his hands pressed on my neck. Shit, not again. He started choking me slightly, making gasp for air. "M- Math... Matthew... I- I can't... b- breathe...." I tried to stop him and he did, he let go of me, making me fall to the ground because of how weak my legs were. "You fucking slut." He growled. "You're not going there alone tomorrow. I'm going with you. And I'll stay there. I want you to hurry with your fucking album so you can go on that fucking tour and make money. If Shawn appears there... I'm gonna do the same fucking thing to him, I am doing to you. Believe me. I am not afraid of him." he turned walked out into the kitchen and came back with a bottle of vodka in his hand, drinking from it. "It's your turn now." he said, placing the half empty bottle down and walking towards me, tightly grabbing my arms and pushing me up, doing the same as almost every night. But this time, it ended at 9 pm. When I was able to slightly move again, Matthew wasn't next to me. I sat up, crying out in pain and looking around. The car keys were gone, Matthew was not here. I need to protect Shawn somehow. He cant come tomorrow. I grabbed the suitcase where I knew was his laptop and pulled it out. I needed to be quick. I logged into my Facebook, searching for Shawns account. I then typed in a message. 'Shawn, I won't be at the studio tomorrow. Matthew made plans with me. My other studio sessions are cancelled and I'm flying back home tomorrow evening. Don't answer. I just hope you get this message.' I quickly logged out of the account, deleted everything that had recently been searched and put the laptop back in the suitcase. I had never done this... the risk of getting caught just was too high. I was relieved when I was able to send the message and let myself fall back into the bed, covering myself up with the single blanket after pulling on some underwear and a hoodie.

I heard Matthew come back. I also heard him open then door. I pretended to be asleep so maybe he wouldn't do anything else to me. And in that moment he didn't. The door closed again and Matthew stayed in the living room. I stayed awake in the bedroom, crying. But after another hour, the door forcefully opened again. He didn't say anything but I could hear his belt being unbuckled. I could smell alcohol, telling me that he had once again been drinking. I gulped quietly when his hands pulled off the blanket and grabbed my sides, turning me around so I was facing him. I closed my eyes, not wanting him to see that I'm awake. But to him it didn't matter. He did it again... and again... and again. Making me cry... whimper... break... and slowly die inside.

The night was like usual. He was peacefully sleeping, I was crying, wishing I wasn't alive. But if I ever killed myself... I don't even want to imagine what Matthew would do to my family. I slowly stood up from the bed, trying to not make a sound and locked myself in the bathroom. I pulled out the blade and added some more cuts to my arms, making me feel satisfied. It's crazy how it had gotten an addiction and how it was making me... proud... seeing the blood drip down my arms. I wiped the blood drops away with paper and then let water run over the cuts, making we wince a little. I then put band aids on a few particular deep cuts. I pulled the hoodie down again and walked out, sitting down on the bed, watching the night pass. Tomorrow evening we will be back at home, things will be even worse than here.