A lone songbird's tweeting could be heard at the break of dawn. As if the bird had sent out a signal, other birds started to sing. It was an utter cacophony of random notes and trills, until-
"SHUT UP OR I'LL STEAL YOUR KNEECAPS! ALL OF YOU!" Cam's furious voice bellowed above the din of tweeting and woke Maggie up from her lovely dream of being a dog in a world where a certain fire hydrant guarded by another dog led to a dog community, comprised 100% of dogs.
"Calm down, they're just birds," Maggie soothed, "And it's not like you can stop them, anyways."
"Nuh uh, Pope Urban VIII had all the Vatican's birds killed because they were too loud and woke him up. I could do that, too."
"How do you even know that?!"
"Irrelevant. ANYWAYS, back to stealing those birds' kneecaps!"
⋯
As Cameron walked outside the front door of their new cottage, a swallow dive-bombed her and knocked her croissant ham sandwich out of her hand. Cam fumbled for a moment before somehow managing to catch the delicious flaky pastry before it hit the ground.
"You aLMOST MADE ME DROP MY CROISSANT!" Cam shrieked at the pesky bird. The swallow in question tweeted almost mockingly and flew away. "AAUUUGHEFNDSK!"
⋯
Maggie was nose-deep in her favorite book, Broadway Musicals of the '80s. A sparrow landed on the windowsill and chirped at her.
"Oh, so Wally dive-bombed Cam?" Maggie asked, peering up at the bird.
Tweet chirp tweet.
"He almost made her drop her croissant?"
Chirp.
"That's funny." As soon as Maggie said that, a livid Cam burst into her bedroom.
"THOSE STUPID BIRDS STOLE MY HAIR TIES! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO KEEP A HAIR TIE THAT LONG?! GIVE ME YOUR BICYCLE SO I CAN CHASE THEM DOWN!"
"Calm down, they're just birds. It's not like you can control them." Maggie sniggered.
"You think this is fUNNY?!"
"Woah, chill. Calm down, don't attack me, don't attack me please. Calm down! Chill! WoaaHIOWFKLNDS! STOP! AGOHSFLDKMZ!"
"I'M GONNA STEAL YOUR KNEECAPS, TOO!"
YOU ARE READING
The Tale of Two Crackheads
HumorTwo girls with crackhead tendencies; one looking for love, and the other searching for a cottagecore valley to live in, preferably with tall grass, lots of flowers, and a stone house with vines growing on the roof and a garden full of fruit. Oh, and...
