After Everything

Chapter Nineteen: Pressure Is On

Cassie felt the pressure every football game. She felt the crowd staring at her, the team judging her, her father praying that she put a point on the scoreboard every kick, and her friends expecting that she'd be perfect each time.

And she felt the pressure every soccer game. Even as a midfielder, her father expected her to score goals. He said that was one of the things division one college teams were searching for. It made her feel like her impeccable skills and ability to play both offense and defense weren't important. She was good at soccer, and she had the skill set to play in college, but just like everyone else, she had her bad games too. Her mistakes angered her family and made her feel like she would never reach her goal of playing division one.

The pressure to be perfect haunted her. It followed her everywhere. She couldn't escape from it. It would always be there no matter what.

Her father made her practice with him every Sunday so she could perfect her kick. That would occur for hours. There were some days that Cassie didn't eat dinner, and others where they went to the field in daylight and arrived back home in the dark. She hardly had time to complete her homework and rest. She woke up every Monday morning feeling fatigued - and it wasn't just her body, it was mentally as well.

She loved her father, she just felt like he was making her do too much. Even after she tried to explain to him that she felt extremely pressured, he told her that to succeed you have to feel the pressure. In his words, "you have to work for what you want." She just wished he would take it easier on her.

It didn't help that she spent seven days a week on her feet trying to perfect her skills. It also didn't help that she had a job, so when there was time to relax she wasn't doing that, instead she was working. Sunday used to be the only day where she could spend time with herself in bed, but now her father forced her out of the house by four to kick a football for five hours straight.

Her physical/mental fatigue and anxiety didn't create a good mix. She constantly felt tired of being awake. Some mornings her mother had to drag her out of bed, and she didn't take her words seriously when her daughter said going to school was making her body feel worse.

She was having trouble concentrating not just in school, but on everything. She couldn't stop her foot from tapping or her hands from shaking. How could she focus when she was always thinking about the next thing? The next football game. The next soccer game. The SAT and ACT. Sending her soccer highlights to college coaches. She focused on everything but the present. How could the present be important to her when she was nagged all day and night about future events?

At this point, living her life was the hardest thing she had done.

"Hey, Cassie," she heard Juliana call from behind her. She lightly nudged her in the arm. "We're pretty behind on take-out orders. Could you at least... look alive?"

Juliana wouldn't put it past Cassie to take a nap during her shift. It had been a while since they worked at the restraint together, but she still remembered her classic antics on the job. Being lazy was her specialty.

Cassie lifted her head from being nuzzled in her arms, turning to look at Juliana who seemed flustered. She couldn't even put her head down for three seconds before the orders came racking in and the tables were full. "Sorry," she apologized, fixing her black uniform before walking past her and into the kitchen. She put her hair into a messy bun before beginning to package orders.

"Everything alright?" Juliana questioned, following behind her. She stood in the doorway of the kitchen with a worried look on her face.

"I'm fine," Cassie said automatically, not thinking about what her actual answer would be. A start would be that she felt like she was yet again being suffocated, but this time not by a person, by her life. But the last thing she wanted to do was go into an entire therapy session with her friend.

"Sorry, I hope I didn't offend you," said Juliana as she played nervously with the black apron around her waist.

Cassie shook her head. "What? No. You're totally fine," she answered with a smile on her face as she quickly and efficiently packed orders. She had already done three bags in a minute or so. "Trust me, I'd tell you if you offended me."

Juliana breathed apprehensively, figuring she was right. She knew Cassie was feisty, but lately, she had been so different that she wasn't sure how she would really react. "I was just asking because of how things have been going in your life recently," she said as Cassie turned to look at her with furrowed eyebrows. "Joining the football team, Alivia's... uh... situation, quitting your job as a lifeguard and coming back to the place you used to work... I just want to make sure you're alright."

"Thank you for your concern," Cassie answered as she pushed five bags towards her friend before continuing to package more. "But I can assure you that I'm perfectly fine," she lied.

Juliana grabbed all five bags as she brought them to the register where Crystal stood filing her nails. She proceeded to walk back into the kitchen before responding to Cassie. "That's good," she said with a smile on her face. "I've realized things in your life have been hard these days. I just wanted to make sure you were feeling okay."

"I feel like you haven't been living the best life either," she said, looking up at her friend. "I'm sorry that you and Jake broke up. How have you been?"

"We'll get back together as long as he can win me back," she answered as Cassie nodded her head. "I can't accept his apology so quickly and act like everything is okay. He was way too friendly with Lola, and if he can prove he loves me, and puts in the effort to show me that, then we'll be set."

Cassie laughed as she handed her another five packages. "Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't know what to do so I think you're doing what's best for yourself."

Juliana did the same as earlier - grabbed the bags of food, dropped them off in front of Crystal, and then walked back into the kitchen. "I think so too," she said before her eyes began to glimmer in excitement. "I almost forgot the fundraiser was this Saturday. What are you wearing?"

"One of Brittany's dresses," she was quick to answer as she finished packaging the last bag. "She had so many options and gave me one because we're the same size. It's green and tight," she informed as Juliana nodded her head. "How about you?"

"It's not one of my older sister's dresses this time," she laughed as Cassie laughed back. "It's red and not tight. I could never pull that off."

Cassie rolled her eyes as she spoke. "Oh. shut up. You definitely could." She brought the last bag out to her sister as her eyes landed on Jake who stepped into the restaurant. "Look who it is!" She exclaimed before lightly kicking Juliana in the shin. "Go get your mans."

Juliana walked up to Jake with a smile on his face. Crystal was sorting through orders to find his as Cassie watched excitedly from the back of the bar. He handed her a small pink bag of her favorite raspberry-flavored chocolates. "Reason two," he said as she beamed at the bag. "Chocolates because I think you're sweet."

She playfully shoved him backward as her cheeks flushed red. "You're sweet," she giggled as Cassie was clapping as if she just watched her friend get proposed to. "Thank you."

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said as he retrieved his order from Crystal.

Juliana turned to Cassie with a big smile on her face as she displayed her bag of chocolates. She cheerfully pranced towards her friend as she spoke. "They're my favorite!"

Cassie was just as excited as she eyed the chocolates. "I love it! That's so cute!" She exclaimed. "I want Jordan to deliver me chocolates!"

Trevor stepped out of the kitchen, rolling his eyes at his sister. "What are you saying? You hate chocolate."

"Shut up!" She yelled at her brother. "He knows that I only like dark chocolate," she said, punching him in the arm.

He was quick to shove her back and into the kitchen where she belonged. She had more orders to package. "Vete a la mierda!" He exclaimed as she playfully rolled her eyes. (Fuck off!)

It seemed like happiness only had a short term effect on her, because one second she was laughing with her friend and her brother, and then the next second she was back to feeling down on herself.

All she wanted was to live a life with no pressure, no fear of messing up, and a chance to be herself again.

But asking for that would be like asking for a miracle.