Toxic

Chapter 49

Song of the chapter Outside by Zayn.

-

Zayn's pov.

She's been quiet for some time now and every second that goes by is tearing me down.

If she'll just let me in I'll make sure to never fuck it up again.

"Mila" I hear myself beg.

She's not looking at me anymore, she's gazing at the floor.

I desperately wish for the power to be able to read her mind right now.

Have I blown my chance completely of having her in my life?

I wonder if she's truly happy with him.

I feel a tug in my stomach when I think back to the night I saw her with him at the bar. He got to hold her hand, stroke her cheek, kiss her...

He got the smile that I've been missing desperately. The smile that haunts my dreams almost every night. The smile that follows me everywhere.

"I don't know if we could ever be friends" Mila suddenly speaks, her voice low and hoars.

It breaks my heart.

"Of course we can, baby" I say and she jerks when I let the nickname slip from my tongue.

"Sorry" I mumble hesitantly.

She shakes her head slowly, "I need to think about this, Zayn"

"Sure" I say, glad that she's at least not saying no. "I just-" I start, not really knowing what to say further.

I sigh, "You need to know how bloody sorry I am, I know I fucked up, big time" I start shamefully.

"I never meant for it to go out over you, I was dumb enough to let Michael get to me and I blamed you" I continue, still looking at her.

Her eyes finally meet mine.

Finally.

"None of it was your fault, it was all mine" I exhale, "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't believe I drove you away"

"You deserve better than that, fuck I know that, you deserve so much better" I want to make sure she hears this before making her decision.

What I'm about to say next hurts me, but I don't care.

"If you're really happy with Blake, I'll back off, but I need you in my life"  I tell her honestly and I notice how her eyes are glistening.

I miss her so much, I can even settle with being just friends.

Maybe.

Suddenly a signal makes us both jerk. I feel for a vibration in my pocket, only to realize that it's not mine.

She picks her phone up from her hand and looks at the screen. I can almost tell who it is.

"It's fine, I'll wait" I urge her to answer the call from him.

She nods once and answers the call.

"Hi" She says lowly. "I'm fine" She smiles happily and I feel that tug in my stomach again.

"Yes" Mila's eyes gaze at mine for a second before looking away again.

"No, it's alright" She continues, "I don't know, soon maybe?" She questions unsure.

I wish I could hear what the conversation was about.

"Can this wait until I get home?" She asks with a smile yet again. "I know, I hear you" She looks serious now, her forehead slightly wrinkled.