Love me // Judd Birch x Reader

3: confessing

"Yeah that's fine." I watched as he awkwardly shifted his eyes away from mine and make eye contact with something on the floor, I could tell something wasn't right but I didn't want to state the obvious. We stood there in silence for a good couple of minutes and I was trying to find the right words to either continue the conversation or just leave the bathroom completely. 
"Look Judd I just-" I was cut off by banging on the door, it sounded urgent and I slammed a hand over Judd's mouth so that people didn't know he was in here with me. "Who is it?" I called out, waiting for a response. 

"It's me Iona, are you ok girllll? You've been in there quite a while, Judd's missing as well." She was slurring all her words and sounded like she could barely form a sentence, I respected her for looking out for me despite the state she was in. 
"Judd told me he had to go home, he crawled out of the window." I said the first thing that had come to mind, after saying it I wanted to slap my forehead but refrained from doing so because then Iona could perhaps think that I wasn't the only one in here. I didn't want anyone to find out I was here with Judd, it was the absolute last thing I wanted- mainly because Julian would crucify me and humiliate me in front of everyone, actually that was the least he could do. 

"Yeah that sounds like him, alright well spray the toilet after you've finished cus I don't want the smell of shit to waft around the house...that is if you are shitting." She stumbled on her own words and then chuckled to herself. It was obvious that she was very drunk, surprisingly I had sobered up after throwing up my stomach in front of my ex boyfriend. I heard her footsteps echo down the corridor and I let out a massive sigh of relief. But as if that wasn't enough stress, my phone suddenly started buzzing with texts from someone, I didn't bother to check knowing that it was probably Julian asking if I was ok and if I was throwing up. He was probably just as drunk as Iona and wouldn't have been a help anyways. 

I finally let go of my hand which had been placed over Judd's mouth and he smiled down at me, I furrowed my eyebrows and then rolled my eyes. "Phew that was a close one." I said, waiting for him to reply something similar, to my surprise though he didn't say anything, instead he remained quiet. I tilted my head a little then shook it off and decided it was best that he didn't say anything, proceeding then to wash my hands to get rid of any sick that perhaps had gotten on them during my little throwing up session. "Are you going to say anything or are you just going to stay silent?" I managed to say confidently, I wasn't usually this straight forward but the silence was killing me. 
"What should I say?" He answered, his voice had gotten so low it made butterflies erupt in my stomach just hearing it. I had missed hearing it, I had missed especially his little chuckles whenever I would make a corny joke. 

"knock knock." I muttered, curling up into his chest comfortably, resting my hands around his neck. 
"I'm not doing another one of your stupid knock knock jokes." He chuckled, grabbing my and flipping me over so that I was now laying on top of his chest, looking down at him. His small smile remained imprinted on his features, it really made his whole face light up in the sweetest way, and deep down I didn't want anyone else to see him smile like that. I was selfish in that way. To his response I pouted, trying to pull the puppy dog eyes trick, which usually worked and he usually caved in eventually. "I'm serious (Y/n), stop goofing around, I want to just enjoy your company not listen to your stupid knock knock jokes for fucks sake." He laughed this time, I knew that he didn't mean it in a cruel way but this was our way of teasing one another. 
"Fine, have it your way." I turned my face away so that I wasn't making eye contact with him anymore and this seemed to bug him. 
"Come on don't be like that." He replied, grabbing my chin and turning it back towards him so that I was looking at him again. "Fine tell me one of your dumb jokes then." He chuckled, giving me his golden smile once again. 

The memory pained me, every memory of us together pained me and perhaps I had let it show on my face but Judd suddenly looked very concerned. "Is everything alright?" He asked, I started fiddling with my hands awkwardly, not knowing what to do with myself. In all honesty everything wasn't alright, I wanted to leave this bathroom and leave behind the awkwardness of our conversation. I knew I couldn't run from it though, it was bound to happen eventually so it was best to get it out of the way. His green eyes pierced mine and his black hair covered half of his left eye, but he didn't bother to move it out of the way. Instead he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear in one swift but smooth action, I felt my cheeks become redder at his touch. 
"Y-Yeah." I stuttered, flickering my eyes away from his, "Are you alright?" I asked, just being polite and returning the question seeing as he looked so worried. 
"No, actually, I'm not alright." He stated boldly, my gaze met his again abruptly. I could tell instantly that he wasn't alright, there was a look of pain in his eyes that I didn't see before. 
"What's the matter?" I asked in a small quiet voice, taking a step towards him. 

"I still love you (Y/n)"