He looked at me with a hint of disgust. His hands clenched the ropes of the swing. Even though they covered it, the metal loops were still visible. His body was transparent; from the black tips of his hair to the bottom of his red soles that skidded the wooden chips laid around us. His aura intensified the air. Negative energy seeped from his existence. No matter how hard I tried to avoid his gaze, my eyes eventually aligned with his. We were caught in a staring contest, with neither one of us trying to lose focus.
*****
On the other side of the playground, while most of the children had their attention directed in an activity, some of the kids watched Idate from a distance.
"What is he doing?"
"It looks like he's talking to himself?"
"See I told you he was weird, that's why we don't play with him."
"Maybe he's lonely. We should go ask if he wants to play."
"No we can't! Didn't you hear the rumor about him?"
"We don't know if it's true."
"We don't know if it's not true."
"Hey let's go do something else instead of wasting our time! Recess is almost over!"
"Alright!!"
Their eyes abandoned Idate as they headed toward other hordes of kids, all smiling and laughing away.
******
"So what do you want? Why are you here?" I asked.
"I think you already know what I want. Look at your lap," the boy responded.
Ranger laid on my lap, looking back at me ominously.
"I followed you here to torment you some more, but it seems like everyone hates you already," he chuckled.
"It's not funny!" I retorted.
"Maybe not to you! I was going to take back what was mine since you stole him from me, but I've changed my mind now,"
"Why?"
"You're a loser man. You've got no one..."
"Shut up!"
"If Rocky means the that much to you then keep him,"
"Who?"
"Who do you think I'm talking about? The Power Ranger,"
"You can have him back for all I care! It won't make a difference!" I shouted.
When I looked back at him, the ghost boy was gone.
****
After the ghost disappeared, Idate sat there in silence for the remainder of recess. As the bell tolled, he found himself sitting at his desk, monitoring the ticks of the clock. Each second ran under the red hand, passing by rapidly to make the clock click, signaling that another minute had passed. To him it didn't matter what they were doing in class. He wanted to leave the school premises as soon as he was given the okay by the final bell. School wasn't school; a place of learning and socialization. For Idate it had been a place conducted by ostracism and uncanny loneliness.
****
As soon as the bell rang I left the classroom. I couldn't stand being in there any longer. I knew I wasn't wanted or welcomed. I just wanted to go home. That was the only place where I felt accepted. Where I at least mattered. Kids filled the hallways, lining up where to go. Some filed towards the buses, while others were directed up front to get picked up. Mom wasn't coming to get me today, so I had to wait for Gishana. She was my older cousin in Jr. High. Her school was several blocks away from the elementary I attended. I sat on the benches, waiting for her to come.
"I wish she would hurry," I thought.
Kids were coming and going. Laughter and excitement filled their air. Some eager to go home, then there were others with their pre planned after school activities. All their footsteps were light, like there was no weight attached to them. It seemed like a happy world, bright and shining. They were happy protagonists in their own stories, while I felt like the antagonist in my own. I had done nothing wrong, yet I was held accountable for it. For who I was.
"So that's what it's like to be alone huh?"
"What?" I looked back and it was him again.
"Why don't you leave me alone?"
"So you like it like this? Sad!!"
"You give me a headache! I told you I don't want your toy anymore. Just take him and leave!!" I shouted.
The kids still around look at me from the distance. You could tell they were muttering something about me. I could feel their stares, their harsh judgments. I faced the other direction. The ghost boy disappeared once more.
"If she's not gonna come I'll just go myself," I thought.
This day had dragged itself long enough. There was no chance at recovering today. It was time to accept my losses. I got up from my seat and began walking home. The other teachers were too preoccupied with incoming parents and rambunctious children to notice my presence. My feet picked up quickly one after the other. The further away I could get the better. Once I passed the schoolyard stop sign with the little man in front, I could relax a little. No one would bother me. Little talks of concern and irrational assumptions couldn't attack me past that point.
Step, lift, step, lift. It continued in a pattern. Touching the sidewalks. Over the cracks. Over the pebbles. The little sugar ants ahead of me, were not wary of my presence. They trekked in guided lines, predetermined by their ancestors, the easiest pathway there and fro to their queen. My leg extended over their pathway, I didn't want it to crush them. Just as I was about to step over, I was pulled back. My wrist was cuffed by another hand. I looked back at livid eyes.
"What are you doing!? Why aren't you at school?!!" Gishana demanded.
I stood there speechless, glancing down at her shoes. Her rage fumed out of her body, consuming the space around us. It wasn't long before another person approached us, one of the upper grade teachers.
"We were looking for you, but it looks like you got picked up. Please let us know next time," as she crossed her arms. (Plenty more was said, but my mind had drifted during the rest of the conversation.)
"We will for sure," Gishana responded.
I could feel the frustration and disappointment from both parties. Their emotions pierced into my spirit. I just wanted to go home.
