BURN for Better or Worse (COMPLETED)

Chapter 50

IFEANYI… 

My mother is here, she hasn’t left my room since she arrived this morning. All I can do is stare when she tries to feed me, the last time I saw her, she didn’t look this strong. She has gained weight, I guess she’s over Raven’s death.  

“Eat for me, my baby.” She brings the spoon up, I haven’t had anything to eat yet, it’s been days. I can’t stomach anything, my insides churn at the sight of food. 

“Oh Ife my child, I should have never let Uze take you. This is my fault, things would be different had you stayed in Ghana.”

She blames my brother and herself for what happened to me, my finger is pointed right at me. It’s my fault, I saw the red flags and didn’t tell Randall on time, I stayed in that place knowing that that man is a pervert. 

My mother grabs my phone from the bed when it rings and scans the screen, invasion of privacy, but naturally I don’t voice it out. I don’t voice anything out lately, sometimes I feel that tears will come out instead of words. Amara tries to get me to say something, her worried eyes affect me a lot. Maybe I should ask my mother to take me back to Ghana, perhaps I will heal there. 

I want to forget, I want to forget the horror and the terrible dreams that haunt me. I can still feel him inside me, his dirty hands on my skin and because of that, my baths have been longer than they should, trying to rub off the disgust and dirt I feel.  

“It’s an unknown caller, it could be one of your friends. Do you want to take it?” My friends don’t know what happened to me, that’s how private my brother is. “I’ll hold it for you.” 

She does as she says and puts the phone against my ear. 

“Ifeanyi!” I recognise the gruff voice that resounds over the phone, it’s him… The man from the hospital… he said his name is Ntsika. “Please don’t freak out Nkosazana, I got your numbers from the hospital. I had to lie and say I'm your cousin, I was surprised that the nurse believed me. Honestly, the money I had kept aside for a bribe was my last.” I close my eyes as his chuckle smoothly pours into my ear and warms the coldest parts of my innermost being. 

This man is determined, to go to such lengths to get my contact details. I don’t know what to feel about this, I should be freaked out by his gestures to talk to me, but I’m not. The presence of any man who is not family should put me in an uncomfortable era. This one though is different, a certain sense of peace washes over me at the sound of his voice. It could be that he saved me and this… whatever I feel towards him is anything less but gratitude.  

“Anyway, how are you?” In less than a millisecond, he chortles, it lacks humour. It’s as if he’s reprimanding himself for the question. “I’m sorry, that was a…”  

A lifetime of silence emerges between us, I should be dropping the call. I don’t know him. Why am I comfortable with him talking to me?

“Thank you for taking my call Ifeanyi.” Many people struggle to pronounce my name, him included hence I introduce myself as Ife. “Although you haven’t said anything, hearing you breathing is more than enough for me. Let me not keep you, please save my numbers so you’ll know it’s me when I call and take care of yourself Nkosazana.” Turning to face the wall, I curl like a ball on the bed when he hangs up and pull the covers up to my chin. My mother will see herself out. A hefty routed sigh emanates from her and in counted seconds I hear the door shut.

THANDIWE… 

Nomalanga… that’s the old woman’s name, asked if she could have time alone with Bulelwa. I’m having a hard time believing that Bulelwa is a reincarnate of Ifalakhe, which is absurd for a woman who sees the dead. I’m right outside the door, in case anything happens and I need to run in there.