What Happened to Cormac Li? ✔

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If you haven't read the warning please go back and read it. This book deals with suicide and eating disorders which may be triggering for some. This chapter mentions Cormac's suicide although it is not written in. There are no graphic scenes but this chapter does contain a mention of Cormac's blood. Do not read this book if you feel it can trigger you.

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  I didn't know why I was there.

Everyone else was at the winter formal but for some reason I was drawn to the boys' locker room. Maybe it was the trail of wet, muddy footprints that led me there. Or maybe it was because, before Cormac left, I overheard him tell one of his friends that he needed to leave and his urgency piqued my curiosity. Who was he talking to? The one with the hair. Brady? Brody? Brandon?

I felt it before I even opened the door.

A feeling of doom, shooting through me like a cold breeze. I knew that once I opened that door everything would change. I don't know why I knew that. Maybe it was my subconscious adding up all the micro hints. Not that there were many. There was one text thread between us from the previous month that could have premeditated what happened but that was at a stretch. It was initiated by his four AM text; 'what do you think comes after this?'. After I replied with a trail of question marks, he clarified his question. 'After death. What do you think happens?'

I told him to go back to sleep...

  He used to ask a lot of deep, philosophical questions like that so I wasn't caught off guard by his question. Maybe I should have been.

He hid behind his jock demeanour but the truth was (and this truth was only known to him and I) that Cormac Li was an incredibly wise young man. He taught me so much. I was and forever will be in awe of him.

My eyes landed on him. He was hidden in a corner in the locker room. He was slumped against the wall and for a second I believed he was asleep, ignoring my pounding heart and shaky hands.

  My legs moved towards him but they didn't feel like they belonged to me. I felt like a misassembled Barbie doll with a force greater than me pushing my plasticine figure towards Ken. My Ken. My beautiful, shiny Ken.

  "Cormac..." I whispered, waiting desperately for a response.

  I sat down beside him, trying not to look at the blood pooling under his wrists. I could feel it seep through the thin material of my dress.

  I should have called someone immediately. Maybe there was still a chance he could be saved. Maybe underneath the façade of death he had a faint pulse. But I somehow knew he was gone. And I had foolishly let him go.

  I couldn't cry. My eyes were shut tightly because I knew the moment I opened them I wouldn't be able to close them again without seeing him.

  I could hear the faint sound of the partying outside. Everyone had left the gym because there was some big surprise outside. The buzz, the cheers, the music and the joy. They didn't know. Would I give them another few moments of blissful unawareness or would I selfishly share my grief and run out screaming that Easton High's golden boy was gone.

  I blindly reached out and held his wet hand. It wasn't warm like it used to be.

  "I'm sorry, Cory..." I whispered before opening my eyes and slowly turning to look at him. I wordlessly stood up and dragged myself to the hallway. Mr Gabrielle was coming out of his office.

  "Emily, shouldn't you be outside having fun!" He joked while locking his office door.

  "Sir..."