What Happened to Cormac Li? ✔

/ 4 /

  Walking up his driveway, I waved at Mr Li. The winter sun was setting yet he had only just arrived back home. I waited by the door for him as he stumbled wearily towards me.

I wondered why he was alone. I had seen his brothers (Cormac's uncles) at the funeral. How could they let their brother return home alone after such a difficult day?

  Dennis Li and his ex-wife, Mary O'Neill had separated the previous year. Cormac never told me why but there was a reason and I never knew why he kept it so hush hush. It was a weak lead but it was still something.

  "Emily, hi. I hope I didn't keep you waiting."

  "No, no. I just got here."

  He smiled weakly at me before unlocking the front door, letting me in. I followed him as he made his way to the sitting room. I eyed the blue and green recliner at the corner of the room. It was Cormac's chair. I wondered if it still smelled like him. I could even see the dark stain on its side which resulted from Cormac spilling spaghetti everywhere. After that, his parents (pre-separation) banned us from eating in the sitting room.

I awkwardly planted myself on the edge of the couch with one cushion separating Mr. Li and I.

"Did you have anything to eat? Do you want a drink or....?"

I hadn't eaten for the previous two days.

"No, thank you."

"Oh, okay."

Mr Li had always been an awkward character and sometimes I wondered how Cormac was his son. Cormac had always been smooth. He probably charmed the doctors and nurses the day he was born.

"Sir, I'll be honest. I don't know why he did it. I came to see if you had any answers. I'm sorry..."

He was quiet for a moment, his fingers unravelling a loose braided thread on the arm of the sofa. I had disappointed him. He probably hated me for wasting his time. Why did I come? Why did I let him down? Why didnt I know why Cormac killed himself?

"Don't be. I don't blame you. I read that a lot of suicides can happen without warning. It's just... he was always so happy. Even the note he left me was so optimistic-"

"The note?"

"Yeah. He left his mother and I two separate notes."

"Where?" I said hopefully. Maybe he had left me a note. Maybe it had fallen or they just hadn't found it. What if it had all the answers?

"In his bedroom. His mother was the one that found the letters."

"Were there any more?"

He shook his head apologetically. "I haven't been inside his bedroom since...." His voice trailed off and I nodded understandingly.

"So," He continued. "I don't know if his mother missed anything. But knowing her and her eye for detail, don't think she missed a letter. I'm... sorry."

His eyes were slowly watering up but he kept them open, trying to force the tears back to where they came from. I hadn't cried yet.

Cormac didn't write me a letter. Maybe he meant more to me than I did to him. Maybe he saw it as a waste of time. His parents were obviously much more deserving of his last words than me, his best friend of fourteen years. Maybe I wasn't even his best friend...

"What did the letters say?"

"Um, just a goodbye. And a sorry."

I took his vagueness as a hint not to probe the matter any further. The letter was obviously very personal. I shouldn't have asked.