4 months earlier
"do you think you'd ever be gay?"
mum asked me for the fifth time this month. honestly, i'd never thought much about it. i've just been presumed to be straight, so that's what i thought i was. pondering more on this subject, however, i don't think i've ever felt any form of attraction to anyone. there are people who i've found attractive, but i've never experienced a need or desire to peruse this feeling...
mum looked at me, expecting an answer.
"i don't think so.." i quietly responded. did she know? it's confusing how she's questioning this when i've never questioned it before... i'm only 14, does she expect me to know now?
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we returned home. it was 11:30pm and i was supposed to be asleep – i wanted to sleep – i was exhausted, but i couldn't shake these thoughts from my head.
when we first got back i searched "am i gay quiz?" on the internet. i took the first one that came up and it kept asking me questions such as: 'would you ever date someone of the same gender?' and 'what gender have all your past crushes been?'. i sighed in exasperation, because if i knew the answers to these questions, i wouldn't be taking the quiz.
i finally found one that asked me questions that somehow fitted and i could relate to. they told me i was either aromatic or queer. i understood neither of those terms. i thought there was just gay, straight and bisexual?? and it turns out there are so, so many words. i feel so consumed by all of this. i'm not sure how to explain my feelings... i guess i feel like everything i've been, all of my life, since i was a tiny child, has been a lie.
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a/n please could you lmk if you like this story if you don't mind :)
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Teen Fiction"her knees buckled and hit the rain-coated, uneven ground, sending splinters of pain shooting up her spine. it was painful, horrendously painful, yet it still didn't even compare to the pain she felt while trapped in her mind. and no matter how far...
