isomania

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~☼~

I'm staying up all night
afraid of the dark
trying not to sleep
it's not that hard

it's like I'm always tired but never able to sleep like I'm neither living or dying just being in a numb shell of what was once me.

just a shadow of who I used to be.
I'm not the confident little girl anymore who used to laugh loud and smile wide like nobody cared how  you look, I stopped haunting monsters and wanting a prince, stopped believing in fairytales.

now I'm welcoming the demons wich live in my hand, ignore them my best so they don't have a chance. But when it's late, I'm exhausting it's harder than at day. No loud noises, no live outside. Just me and dark.

so I stay up all night, never stop spotify. can't let the demons speak, can't give then a chance. I'm afraid of sleeping of loosing control, not being able to choose wich voice inside my head keep speaking and wich not.

but then I fall asleep,
what's my body's craving.
book in my hand, music still playing
Oversleep all day, even school.

Everything to avoid thinking.

— my roses grew back as thornes

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