- In every starlit night, in every breath I take, for me you'll always be River McFarley.
it's the way that nobody knows
that I'm reading about the suicide of the only person I ever loved
when I can't find an other way out.
- myself
I know he's not really, keep telling me this. But the fact that he's fictional doesn't make the comfort he gave me any less. He tried to teach me, how to love myself, overcome the darkness and shine brighter than anyone else.
But I didn't listen to him clearly enough. Couldn't see the pain behind his smile when he told me he loved me so much. When he gulped down his medication because I made him to, he didn't wanted it because he could accept the impact they had.
Sometimes he pretended to take them, just to see me smile. I never knew why he took them or why he was scared of them.
I never asked.
Afterwards I feel guilty, what if I could've helped him if I'd just watched him close enough?
But I know I couldn't, the darkness got him before I ever had a chance.
And I still wish the only man, I'll ever love, didn't jumped of that slack line, didn't fell in the terrible depth.
I still wish he'd never left me, would've made a bird fly instead.
Ein origami Kranich, denn jedesmal wenn du nicht springst musst du einen fliegen lassen.
The man I gave my heart.
The one who thought me how to walk these lines, made sure I would be secured not able to fall of into the unknown darkness down these mountains.
The one who thought me more and more beautiful words. Made me write them down in my book of happiness until they left my mouth. Until I used my voice again, because he made me feel secure, loved and safe to overcome this fear.
The one who would tell me pretty quotes of artist and death, who showed me the beauty of live when all he could see was death.
The one who saved my life, all over again. Every single day, until today.
to River, even though I still wish you haven't left. I know you had to, that's why I accepted it.
- Tucks
YOU ARE READING
only the brave | poems
Poetry« it's a church of burnt romances and I'm too far gone to pray. It's a solo song and it's only for the brave » some poems I had in mind, some are personal, some just fictional. I just let my hands write whatever floads in my mind. TW // mostly depre...
