Connection

Chapter 13

It feels like its been forever since i last updated and im sorry but at least im doing it now :P  
 

Kelly's P. O. V 

When i got home i charged up stairs still feeling upset about  the words Alana had said to me today, it sorta broke my heart knowing how badly i hurt Luke but i really like Ashton. As i carried on with my thoughts tears started forming in my eyes and eventually just started streaming down my face, it felt endless. I ran into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and saw my mascara was running down my face. "Yuck" i sobbed to myself. I poened to bathroom draw and saw a razor blade sitting there it almost sounded like it was calling out my name. I reached for the blade and looked at my reflection in it. I looked back up to the mirror and breathed out deeply. "Mum im going for a shower!" i yelled shakily. 

I stripped down till i had no clothes on and hoped in the shower still holding the blade. I didnt have the stregnth to even stand up so as i turned on the water i tilled the spout to the corner of the shower. i sat down in the left side corner of the shower and placed the sharp blade down next to me. I felt so weak and desporate the words. All i could tell myself was 'im a slut, im not wanted by many girls in the school, everyone hates me, i move on to quick, im a home wrecker'  i grabbed the blade, i brought my wrist up into my vision i just scanned then up and down with the blade in one of my hands. I sudden burst of tears fell. I closed my eyes and ran the blade across my wrist. I opened my eyes to see all the emotions in my blood pouring out of wrists. At first it wasnt as deep, but two of the cuts were deep. I stopped thinking about what this could do to what me and ashton have and all my friends. I looked at the tiled floor in the shower to see a spiral of blood falling into the drain. I look at my arms chucking the blade away from me. "NO, NO, NO i cant why. what the hell have i become" I run my fingers trough my soaked hair bringing my knees to my forehead still crying more and more.

*skip to the morning*

-

Today was friday, i really did not feel like going to school but Mum makes me go every single day even if im sick she forces me to go so i dont think she'll let me stay home for no reason. I felt dirty and yucky so i went for another shower, I still had no stregnth so i sat down again with my eyes closed looking up to the room. The water felt nice dripping on my face. I open my eyes drifting my head to my wrists to see the fresh cuts covering my wrist. It was the first time i had ever cut but you know what they say, 'there is a first for everything'  i gripped my hands ontp the shower handles having to drag myself up from he floor. I hoped out of the shower after a few minutes running to my room with a towel wrapped around me. I dug through my closet looking for a all of my sweaters. I pull out a maroon and black strippy sweater "argh yuck this will do. It was the only one i could find. I could just wear a t-shirt, wait no i cant i really dont want people seeing that i cut especially Ashton, Luke or Alana.

Today Ashton has arranged to go to school with one of his other friends cause he felt bad that i was taking him to school everyday, but honestly i didnt really care i love car drives with Ashton he is just so qwerky and confident i love it. 

Once i got changed into my ugly sweater and my black skinny jeans, i mopped down the stairs telling Andrew to meet me in the car. I did the same usual routine just i didnt pick Ahton up thats all. I still had to see my only brother get death stared and looked at weirdly and it still tore my apart. 

I arrived at school walking straight to the area where me and Ashton sit. I dropped myself down onto the seat crossing my arms and placing my head gently inbetween my arms. I felt a bit of my forehead touch the table. Someone brushed there hand over my back, i look up to see Luke standing infront of me. I just knocked my head back down on the table. "Hey Kelly you dont look to well are you okay,"  my breathe hitched he asked. I started to feel my breathing getting slower and slower and as only one tear drips onto the tabel. I sit up wiping my eyes, " Yeah im... im fine" 
"No your not, why are you wearing a sweater its boiling hot it almost 30 degrees" Luke reported. "Really i feel freezing" i say followed by a fake and weak smile. "Then why are you sweating" I questioned furrowing his eyebrows in confussion. My fake smile dropped. I started to fidle with the sleeves on my sweater to make sure he doesnt see my wrists. "Just Luke dont worry about it, okay?" I tell him getting a bit annoyed. I stood up and walked down the hall.