Citrus [completed]

Chapter 38

I can't help but stare at the love of my life who tore my heart out. For a second, I think I'm hallucinating and I promise myself I'll eat as soon as I go inside. I blink multiple times and Vanessa doesn't disappear from my face.

I feel myself freeze right outside the door. "Hey," she says. She looks a bit nervous as she pushes up from the wall. Vanessa looks a bit tanner from the Georgia sun. Her hair has a brasser tone to it. She's wearing a long blue off the shoulder top. Its sleeves are like bats as they droop to the side of her hips where a long flowy white skirt hangs. I note with a cold mind and narrowed eyes that her neck is bare.

She bites her lip once as I stare at her. It occurs to me at that moment that she is real. My heart twinges and I know I am unprepared for whatever this is. I grasp for any emotion that will ground me, settling on disinterest.

"Hey?"I repeat after her. It's been weeks of no calls. Interaction on social media? Nope. No smoke signals. Nothing. As far as I knew from Leo she had safely gone to her house and that was the last update I let myself have. Now Vanessa stands in front of me in my doorway.

"Hey," She whispers back. We stare at each other, eating up every inch of each other. Vanessa waves towards the closed door before looking up at me, "Can I come in?"

I look behind me. I consider taking her in and having her sit on the couch but all I can see is when we would sit on the couch and laugh or whisper to each other in the dark. I should turn her away from where she stands.

As if she can sense me trying to decide she nervously bursts, "Just five minutes. That's all I need to say what I have to say. And if you want I will never bother you again I swear,"

Her eyes are big and they silently beg me to let her in.

I turn my back on her as I unlock the door and I'm weak. "Five minutes," I say as I hold open the door for her.

Vanessa quickly comes in, waiting for me to drop my bag on the coffee table.

Vanessa starts heading down the hallway towards my room before I call her name. My hand comes up to awkwardly rub at my neck. I feel my pulse racing underneath my fingertips. I hesitate before slowly offering, "Why don't we go to the balcony,"

Vanessa falters where she is standing. She looks down the hallway and back towards the balcony doors. She blinks at the balcony doors. Vanessa's face falls a little before she smiles nervously at me. It has a twinge of pain in it. "Sorry. Force of habit." She jokes.

The air between us stretches and pulls tighter at the joke. I clear my throat and walk away from the awkwardness between us. I'm not used to how it is between us. I've always been able to be at ease around Vanessa. Now my heart twinges every time she speaks.

I pull the door open and we both step out onto the balcony. It's rarely used, me and Blair use this area for the rest of her plants so the living room won't be cluttered. I've come out to her on occasion a handful of times. I would rather sit on the couch or in my room than on the balcony. If it was a nice day I would rather fully leave the house.

Vanessa awkwardly stands closer to the railing, staring out at the campus.

"You've got five minutes," I say as I cross my arms over my chest. I feel my body is made of stone as I stare at Vanessa, the girl who took my heart, for the first time in months.

Vanessa looks unusually nervous and I stare at her for a few silent moments. When she doesn't speak to me I throw my arms up.

"You're wasting my time," I harshly spit out. I turn to go back into the apartment because I can't stand in the same space as her and be sane.