Revisiting RadheShyam

KrishnaPremika.

Dearest Kanha,

Let me just admit it this time, you really did make me speechless. Not with the disguise, but with the Kanha-ish idea behind it. Of course, who else but my blue boy could've thought of something like this? Not that I don't expect you to be this person – someone who would redefine and normalise humanity in an increasingly inhumane world – of course I do! If there's one thing I'm absolutely sure of about my Kanha, it's the fact that the world might know him as god, as nirmohi, as being free from all attachments, but he's more human than any human could ever imagine to be. So I'm not surprised by the last letter, it's just that I fell in love all over again with you and your thoughts as I read it all in your words.

I keep mentioning how much in love I am, and although that includes and surpasses everything else, today let me just tell you how very proud I am of you, and how you make me feel so with every tiny thing you do and say. The world might remember me as your lover (KrishnaPremika – oh how lovely that sounds!) but I know that I am and I'll always remain a Krishna devotee first. Someone who bows down to him, to the highness of his thoughts, to his very existence. Bowing down doesn't mean considering yourself inferior, it simply means offering your own imperfections to someone you think has perfected that very subject. Devotion is trying to be more of the being you're devoted to. As for me, every second of my life is dedicated to be more of Krishna and less of Radha. The paradox here is, Krishna is more Radha than he's Krishna. So when I become more of Krishna, I become even more of myself than I already am. Oh the magic of love!

It irks me how people have untangled the deep connection that devotion and love share. Love is considered the queen of all emotions, the playful colour of life, the elixir everyone must aspire to achieve. Devotion is what people associate with the mostly ritualistic worship of a "distant" god. While love certainly deserves all the adjectives it is showered with, devotion is grossly misinterpreted. If love offers the self to the lover in an embrace, devotion offers the self as an offering to the feet of the one it worships. Now the latter might seem like an unequal relationship, but it's not. What is often forgotten about devotion is that there is no "distance" in it, either from god or from humans. A devotee sees their own self in the object of their worship, and vice-versa. So how does lying at your own feet make you inferior? If anything, it inspires you to be a better version of yourself, in order to become worthy of the person you're devoted to. And that right there, is the very objective of love – to be better, each day, every second!

What I just said might make it seem like love is then a feeling inferior to devotion. But those who truly understand them both, know that they're one and the same. Simply put, devotion is the very pinnacle of love. But without love, you can never reach devotion. If you love someone, worship them! Offer your strengths, weaknesses, imperfections to them and take in their good qualities, be more of them, learn from them, become them! And when you worship someone, you already do love them, with all their flaws. Devotion is about trying to learn from their good, love is about accepting their bad. Accept first, learn later. Love first, worship next. When everyone accepts and then tries to learn, that's how goodness prevails! That's what life is all about.

Now you might wonder why I called myself a devotee first, if its love that comes first. Well, Kanha, you already know the answer. Though the two are one and the same, for humans they come in different stages. For you, however, it's a different game altogether. I've never known how not to love you. It comes as naturally to me as my very breath. Every time I look at you, it's love all over again. A new, different, delightful love! But devotion, like I said, is the very peak of love. The highest level of bliss that there is. It doesn't require your physical presence, it isn't renewed every second, it's just there. Constantly, effortlessly, eternally. Love gives you a name that's taken along with your lover, devotion makes you lose yourself in them, makes you non-different from them. With you, I feel like losing myself to the point where you, and only you remain.

But not everyone might understand that, so they'll keep calling us lovers. It's me who knows that I was and I will always be a Krishna devotee first, lover obviously is included in that. I also do know it's the same case that side, but I might as well hear it in your enchanting words, enchanter!

Yours always,

Radhe.