Revisiting RadheShyam

Disguise.

Meri Radhe,

Well, I had a great time looking at all those bewildered faces and your mantramugdh self, then hearing it in your excited, almost childlike voice, and finally reading about the whole adventure in swamini ji's words. Oh, sukhmayi jeevan! I have, as I'm sure you know, been the centre of attention all my life – sometimes, even negative attention – but this was a different feeling altogether. This was like being as famous as Krishn while not being Krishn... that's a welcome change, a very liberating feeling. There's something so free about not being yourself for some time... this was my first ever disguise, but the experience has made sure this won't be my last. Not that I don't enjoy being myself – there's nothing as peaceful as being truly comfortable in your own skin – but it's equally as important to know how to put yourself in another's shoes, in an entirely new perspective. Doesn't mean you always need a disguise for that, the mind works fine and fast enough to transcend bodies – people should just know how to use it!

Coming back to this one though, it started fairly simply. Remember that silly convo we had about me never bringing you any gifts? I know that wasn't meant to be taken seriously, but I just thought why not get something for you anyway? So I pulled Dau along and both of us went to the weekly market in Mathura, me looking around for something that would catch my eye, and him just being bored and fed up of me. The only reason he agreed to accompany me was the fact that the trip is solely for Radha. Frankly, at this point he's more your Dau than mine. (Yeah, yeah I know the whole we're one and the same argument, but can I just admit that I'm a tiny bit possessive about my Dau?)

Just kidding, back to the point now. So we spotted a huge crowd in the middle of the market, turns out in the centre was a poor bangle-seller, being made fun of by some miscreants. Honestly, what I heard then was the most ridiculous statement ever. The men were laughing among themselves and telling the vendor to go "wear bangles and sit at home", if this is what he's fit enough to do. Well, I simply told the men to go sit in a corner and laugh all day, if that's the most they can do, and just never go home because, isn't that the territory of those who wear bangles? They're unfit to go there since... they don't wear bangles, as per their own logic. Does this make sense? No, because the original statement didn't, either. Trust me to counter nonsense with nonsense. :)

Soon after this, the crowd disappeared, gossiping amongst themselves about who this oversmart boy was. By then, even I knew what I had to do. I bought all the bangles the man was selling and thanked him for his work with a big smile. The one that he gave me in return was so beautiful, it's still preserved in my memory like a trophy. Aah, nothing like making people happy!

But this incident got me thinking. The bangles weren't wrong, neither was the man. Then what exactly did the men find wrong? Well, what disturbed them was a man trying to do something meant for a woman. The same women who they think are the inferior half of the population. Why would a man like to "degrade" himself by stooping down to the low level of a woman? That is what irked them.

All my life as a human, I've only known amazing women – yashoda maiyya, rohini maiyya, meri radhe, gopiyaan, purnamausi and the many maiyyaas I have in every home of Vrindavan. Without them, I can only imagine a dark, deep void, and no life whatsoever. The very thought that someone has the audacity to think of such people as "inferior" makes me speechless with disbelief. HOW?!

But by now, I know that humans can be weird. So I decided to be this blue lady. Not just because of the adventure that it is, but because of what it will become ages later. Many thousands of years later, when I'm no longer just a cowherd boy for people, when they'll worship me as god, as purushottam, as the "ideal man" – I want them to realize if the ideal man, god himself, finds it an honour to take up a woman's role, how can she be inferior? If anything, isn't she higher than him?

And that is not to say everyone must start dressing up as each other. A physical disguise is symbolic of a more open, more empathetic mind. A mind that can "dress up" like a woman when needed, when understanding her, when being there for her. A mind that is not bound by baseless prejudices, but is fluid enough to transcend the bodily boundaries of gender, caste, class, religion, race, colour and the ten thousand other divisions humans have made and will make in the coming years.

So, that was why I took up this disguise. All the fun, the attention, the freedom just came as a bonus for my good intentions, I guess. Like they say, good actions beget good fruits. Sab Lakshmi ki kripa!

As for me trying to fool you, Hey Lakshmi! You really think I have the audacity to fool Swamini Ji? I might forget who I am, but she would never. I know it, and that keeps me going. Always.

Eternally Yours,

Kanha.