Revisiting RadheShyam

Universe

Kanhaaaa,

What is this magic, man? Okay I get it you do wonders with that flute of yours, but now these words too? Do you write also with your baansuri or what? As it is that devilish wooden stick of yours has me crazy, only the lord knows what'll happen if you start playing music with your words too! Hey Narayan... what sort of a mayavi am I stuck with?

I'm tempted to stay quiet about the raas, since you sound too eager to read about it. But then you would read in between the lines anyway, so I might as well write that dreamily real dream down.

Remember the first letter I wrote to you? We had barely known each other then, and yet my pen had spilled all those fantasies on the paper meant for you. Maybe it's the morpankh, it always knows what to write and commands the ink itself. Anyways, back to me. Ever since I was a kid, dancing has been my escape. It has lightened all my burdens and doubled all my joys. So naturally, when I first heard the flute, its tune was nothing but an invitation for me to dance my heart out, once again.

Then finally came the occasion to accept that invitation. And so I got my pink-and-blues out, adorned myself like I had never done before, and ran. It seemed like my feet weren't even touching the ground in their excitement, gliding with the thoughts of dancing like they've never danced before.

But that day my feet didn't dance at all. For the first time in my life, I realized what it means to let the soul dance. Because the kind of happiness I was filled with, it is impossible for only the human body to either cause or contain it. I feel like a maniac writing this stuff Kanha, but as you say, facts are facts! I've danced before and I've been happy before. But this was different, wholly different. This was not me skilfully performing the mudras and all, this was myself resigning to the steps of my soul. It felt like losing control of yourself, and yet feeling like you control the world. That there's no one as supremely powerful, as happy, as content as you are.

When I first reached the banks of the Yamuna, it felt like a whole new world. I'm sure I've been to that spot a hundred times before, and yet that day, it looked like a fairyland whose secret door I've just discovered. So yes, it was like a whole new world opening up, but then condensing down to just one point of focus – YOU. Suddenly there was no Yamuna, no sign of the moon, no trees, at all. Just one blue boy who looks like he might smile and kill me with just that much. And myself, this poor gopi, would die smiling even wider, her soul still dancing to his goddamn flute's notes. Oh Kanha, if only you could see yourself from my eyes. If only!

Then you would know what it means to exist eternally. Because now, even when Radhe is busy with this world's chores, her true self is there and dancing alright. The Kanha I know is constantly there as well, no matter where in the world you think you are. Obviously, for I'm still not maniac enough to dance without a tune!

From this morning's latest gossips, I heard there were a few others who went there too. Strange, because all I remember is my crazy self with your extra-gorgeous self, dancing and smiling away. The last memory I have is of closing my eyes and resting my head on your shoulder, as time stops and only that tune goes on. The last image I have in my mind is of you playing your baansuri, eyes closed, and with a smile as disarming as ever. That day, when you opened your eyes, I noticed that something has changed. While they've always looked like containing the whole of this universe, that day the universe looked smaller. It looked, strangely, like myself.

Yours,

Radhe.