The Night Everything Lost Sense

5. It's my fault...

12 days had passed since Soyoung was proclaimed missing.

Briar has been his friends' main focus ever since the news became more spread. Everybody in their school knew about Soyoung. The news channel was covering her disappearance. Everybody was questioning her whereabouts. Gossip spread. The gang overheard people talk about Soyoung in one day more than in their entire lives. One time during lunch, they listened to a table close to theirs talk about Soyoung. The gossipers talked about her as if they knew her and as if they were complete believers in their theory. They claimed that Soyoung ran away. After excruciating five minutes of eavesdropping on the gossipers, the group's patience became thin. Seth ended up snapping at them. It was a surprise to everybody, since Seth never acted like that.

Then again, tensions were high. Seth was trying his best to look after Briar and to stay strong for him and for Soyoung. Emotions simply ended up overfilling.

Briar wasn't doing any better.

He felt irrational fear when walking through his school's hallways. As if everybody will start looking at him and whispering about him. Concentrating in class was impossible since he ended up staring at Soyoung's desk most of the time. Night times mostly consisted of him hugging his knees and emptily staring at the wall.

After the initial eight days of no news on Soyoung's whereabouts, not even Casey was able to cheer him up. He barely ate and barely drank. His friends reached a new level of concern for him. They ended up always coming by his place and always asking him to come to their place.

That tension-filled and melancholic day, it was Kai's turn to look after Briar. He invited him over earlier and tried to entertain him with some classic movies that neither of them watched before. He tried to get him to eat popcorn with him and then later candy, but Briar never tasted anything.

Kai decided to try and destress his older friend with some calming tea. He knew Briar drank strawberry tea a lot, so he made sure to buy it earlier. He got Briar to help with preparing the kettle and boiling the water. Kai later took the task to grab tea biscuits from the cabinet, letting Briar choose a mug that he liked from Kai's collection.

There were many mugs, all in different color or with different images. Briar took his time to observe all of them. There were ones with penguins, pink ones, yellow ones, ones with a teddy bear, some with meaningful messages... yet a simple mug with a heart sticker got his attention. He eagerly took it off the shelf, only to have it slip through his fingertips and shatter on the floor a moment later.

As pieces of ceramic spread around his feet, Briar's fingers twitched, and soon after his whole body. As initial shock left his body, he was left with nothing but negativity. He felt upset. He felt so upset that it suffocated him. It added onto every other pain he felt. A rush of self-hatred crashed onto him like a 10-meter-tall wave, breaking the dam that contained his emotions.

Briar fell on his knees and let out a loud cry of anguish.

It immediately earned him Kai's attention. He dropped everything, not caring about the box of teabags that tipped over and fell of the counter. A strawberry aroma filled the room. Kai knelt by Briar's side and helplessly reassured him that it's fine, as the latter melted down in front of his very eyes

He pulled at his hair as he cried and sobbed. His cries were piercing and painful to listen to. Briar wept and wept, unable to hear Kai and his calming words.

The younger was beginning to lose hope. He tried to stop Briar from shaking. He pulled on his arms and shook his shoulders. He yelled at his face and begged him to calm down. When their eyes locked, Briar let out a sob and let out an ache-full claim. "Kai, it's my fault!"

"Briar," Kai said, panic present in his voice, "come. Let's sit on the couch."

"It's my fault!" Briar screamed out, sobbing afterwards. His eyes shut as he leaned forward. He was shaking uncontrollably. His lungs heaved for air.

"Don't..." Kai murmured.

"It's all my fault!" he choked out before being silenced by a cry that escaped his mouth. "It's my fault Soyoung is missing!"

Kai's lower lip trembled and he took ahold of the elder's shoulder. "Don't say such things. Please don't think that."

"She is missing because of me!" Briar continued. "Everything is my fault!"

"No!" Kai retorted. "It's not your fault! You didn't know what was going to happen! Please don't feel guilty."

Briar's face morphed in pain.

"I know you feel guilty for not being next to her when she disappeared," Kai told him. "But it's not your fault."

"N-no!" Briar wept. "No, you don't understand!"

"I do," Kai said calmingly and patted his back. "It's okay. It's not your fault. I promise. You couldn't know... I know you told us that the last time you saw her was before both of you went home. But it's not your fault for not walking with her. She always walked home alone..."

"Kai," Briar cried out. "No."

"I promise it's not your fault," Kai assured him and shushed him. "It's not your fault. You couldn't know.... So, don't blame yourself. Please."

Briar was unable to say anything. He cried and gasped for air, leaning forward so much that his forehead touched the ground. The aroma of strawberries reached his nostrils, flooding his mind with bitter-sweet memories from his childhood.

Soyoung's birthday cakes always tasted like strawberry. The icing was always a pretty shade of pink and each slice of it carried a sweet aroma of lemon and strawberry. The sweet smell and taste were always a memorable part of his childhood. He ate many strawberry ice-creams with Seth. He received strawberry candies from Casey on Christmas. Terry introduced him to strawberry tea. It was a scent and taste of friendship and love. It eased his mind and lessened his emotional pain.

Kai pulled him back up and wrapped his arms around him. Briar shut his eyes, shivering and catching his breath as the younger mumbled out calming things.

They stayed on the floor for a long time. Once Briar finally calmed down, he felt as if he had sleepwalked. None of the experiences from earlier seemed real. He sat frozen in a state of shock, unable to think about anything, unable to feel anything. Kai covered him with blanket and gave him a new mug filled with his favorite scented beverage.

He couldn't comprehend what had happened to him just then. His mind was blank.

Kai sat by his side, giving him unconditional support and words of comfort. Briar was confused by them. He couldn't understand why he was being treated with such love.

After all, he confessed to murder. Though, it was apparent that Kai didn't realize the true meaning of his words.

Briar's secret was still known only by a dead girl. 

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Well :)

That's unfortunate...